What's happening RIGHT NOW?

I have situational depression. It doesn’t make me suicidal. It just takes me to a bad headspace and holds me captive for a time. It doesn’t last, however, the depression usually fades just as quick as it rushes in. My best defense is to stay in the present. Like Eckhart Tolle preaches and even wrote in his book “The Power of NOW“ your problems that you perceive to exist in the present don’t really exist in the present moment. When you stop and look around, where are they? Simply put, in your mind. And I'm either looking back at something that has happened moments ago, weeks ago or years ago or I’m looking ahead to what I perceive will happen in the next moments, weeks, months or years. And the mystics and sages tell us that "to live in the past is depression, to live in the future is anxiety." That’s why Tolle preaches to stay in the now.

And I haven’t read his book. I have watched tons of his lectures online and I know this principal. It bears out. It is true. #TRUTH

My problems, whatever they are, do not exist in the present moment. At the present, I am breathing, I am alive, I am present and aware of my breath, my internal environment and my surroundings. Just taking that momentary inventory is enough to tell me, nothing is threatening me at this very moment. There is no black bear hovering over me ready to devour me. So why do I act as if there is??? That black bear, as fictional in this moment as my perceived problems, does not exist. I am not in imminent danger. Nothing is wrong right this second. It's only in my mind.

Where does worry and anxiety exist? Only in our minds. Where does my depression exist? Only in my mind. Well, don't we have control over our minds??? If not, who does? Who controls our present if not us?

That's the place where you discover that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! It's not your circumstance, your situation or anyone else in your life. It's YOU! You got yourself into the predicament you are in, whether you caused it or not, you reacted to it. Who controls your reaction? Who regulates your emotions? YOU DO!

So if you come to that point of discovering, I AM THE PROBLEM! Then what are you going to do about it? Fix it or ignore it, hoping it passes?

Nothing in you will change unless you change it.

If you find yourself spiralling with worry, doubt, anxiety or depression. Stop and take stock of everything around you. Are you still breathing? Is the bear hovering and ready to devour? Then where is the perceived threat? Somewhere in your past? Somewhere in your future? Has your crystal ball EVER been that accurate? Or do things typically work themselves out?

I live on a barrier island that was wiped out just 25 months ago by Hurricane Ian. The survivors here remember the fear of death like it happened to them yesterday. They suffer PTSD, which is totally understandable. But Ian didn't happen to them yesterday. It's not going to happen tomorrow. Chances are, in their lifetime, they'll never face another devastating, life-altering storm like that.

So what "Ians" are we facing? Am I facing...right now or in the future? Probably none. Again, it was a once-in-a-lifetime storm that, fortunately, I did not go through. Can I sympathize with my neighbors here. YOU BETCHA! Is their PTSD real and rooted in a past traumatic event. ABSOLUTELY! But do they have to live in fear for the rest of their lifes. NO! That trauma lies in their past and only truly exists in their memories of that day 25 months ago.

Look, nothing that happened 25 months ago, 45 years ago or even an hour ago has to effect you right now, in the present! You can let it if you want to, but you have complete control. That's not to discount the lingering effects of trauma, PTSD or past experiences. But the reality is, they are no more a threat to you right now, in this moment, than the make believe black bear in my living room. It doesn't threaten you right now. The 18-feet of storm surge isn't taking your foundation out from under you RIGHT NOW! So why act as though it is?

BE PRESENT.

Don't let anxiety about future perceived problems or obstacles get in the way of your life today. Don't let current circumstances overwhelm you. They don't have power over you. Regulate your emotional reactions to whatever it is that's really going on, or just going on in your brain. That's where your control is, over your reaction to it. Why are you overreacting, or wasting any energy or brainpower whatsoever on something that MIGHT occur in the future, whether it's another major hurricane or a shortage of income? Whether it's a near-death car accident or a hangnail? Can you control either, or stop them from happening, with worry? NO! You're just taking precious years off your life. That's all worry does.

That's self-defeating. To continue down the path of worry and slowly killing yourself. Other living things in the animal kingdom don't do that!

What is threatening you right now? If you're not sliding across the median into oncoming traffic as you read this, why are you worrying about that accident that COULD happen but is not happening now? If the bear isn't standing in your living room ready to pounce, why are you acting as if he is, scared to make one false move. JUST BREATHE! Your problems only exist in your brain. Somehow, you'll find a way to pay that bill from your shrinking bank account, even if you have to "rob Peter to pay Paul." I've been there many times. I have the overdraft receipts to prove it. Those times of worry and doubt or doing without DIDN'T KILL ME!

I've even lived homeless for a time. Did it kill me? NO! I'm here writing about it. I actually thrived in that inhospitable, unsafe environment around drug addicts, perverts and the mentally unstable. We are animals built to survive. We don't need all the creature comforts we've come to enjoy, but we believe we need them to survive. We don't. We need air, water and something to eat. That's how animals survive in the wild. And they don't kill themselves early by worrying about it.

Why am I posting all this. I'm not preaching to anyone. This is my present reality. I'm sitting on my couch, in my living room (creature comforts that don't keep me alive) with this laptop on my lap, writing about where I am at. I've been struggling for weeks with situational depression. I put a video by Eckhart Tolle on the television, using the YouTube App on FireTV (more creature comforts that don't keep me breathing) and that's what led to this entire post. It was for me, primarily.

I am a student of this shit. I have gone deep many times to rediscover myself, who I am at my core. But I still struggle up here at the surface ALL THE DAMN TIME! I'm not perfect. But I do know who I AM. I just need to be reminded over and over and over...because I am human. I have tendancies. They don't always serve me well. But tapping back into SOURCE and finding myself in the deep, does help me to survive...sometimes on the daily. Often times, moment to moment, like Bob Wiley "baby steppin." Baby steps back to the present. Baby steps back to who I know that I AM. Seriously, I have to get that rudimentary.

Nothing in my present situation is killing me. There are no current threats to my life or safety in this present moment. Stay tuned.

I don't remember when I created this graphic, but I go back to it all the damn time!

White America, Simma Down!

In my March 2016 post about white angst, I wrote, "But the Trump phenomenon is beyond weird. He played upon the growing angst of white, conservative America. He served up, in true reality TV fashion, all the most inflammatory rhetoric he could muster, like a grand dragon at a KKK rally in the deep woods of Mississippi. He's yet to distance himself from that domestic terrorist organization, by the way." And I wrote this a full year and a half BEFORE the Charlottesville incident!

White angst is rooted in the real population data which shows a declining percentage of white Americans, down more than FIVE MILLION in the second decade of the 2000's. Pew Research Center found in 2021 that only FIVE PERCENT of Republicans think the dwindling of white Americans is "a good thing." And because the whites now feel marginalized--Native, Black and Brown Americans are saying "WELCOME TO THE CLUB!"--and their way of life under attack, they have lashed back. "This is why they cling to their 'traditional' and 'family' values. They want to believe that life was actually once like 'Leave It To Beaver' and their favorite black-and-white television shows of the 1950's. They'd like nothing more than to turn back the clock and relive those heydays of segregated bliss. They want prayer back in school, abortion abolished and white privilege to once again reign supreme," as I wrote way back when. That last line could be the promotional ad for Project 2025, Trump's current platform of Christian extremism. But I highlighted the segregation part of my quote because that gets to the root cause of white angst, a topic I've taken on several times on this blog page.

No longer in the majority, many whites feel like they're world is crumbling, like the people of color are taking over and their rights will be stripped away. To heighten those fears, the traditional, family and "Christian" values they've held since the 50's (when a lot of GOPer's were born) are no longer in the mainstream, widely accepted, adhered to or en vogue. In the 2020's we've seen church attendance dip below 50% for the FIRST TIME EVER in this country. More and more Americans are non-religious; and those who once were are no longer attending church nor are they requiring their children to attend Sunday school, VBS or youth services. Those were all things I was required or encouraged to do, growing up in a middle class, Christian American home.

But this country, sorry to tell you Heritage Foundation, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, WAS NOT FOUNDED on the Bible or Christianity. Morality DOES NOT depend on your scriptures or sacred texts. There were codes of morality in the Mesopotamian region LONG BEFORE your religion or the texts even existed. Morality is determined by humans who make the laws governing society--humans who are both influenced by religion, but also by humanism, atheism and lots of other ISMS! Quit ringing your hands that Jesus was taken out of government and the classroom. HE NEVER BELONGED THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Even HE washed his hands of government and politics. "Then he said to them, 'So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.'" Luke 20:25, Mark 12:17 and Matthew 20:21. So for those keeping count, that's ALL THREE Synoptic Gospels quoting Jesus on his views about taxation and government. He wasn't too concerned with it. His concern was "his father's heavenly kingdom," which he makes quite clear throughout the gospels (and might I insert here, he never once mentions homosexuality anywhere in the gospels).

So now that we've made clear that Jesus agreed with our Founding Fathers on one issue--that is separation of church and state--let's get back to our main point. White Christians, in particular, feel that they are under attack. Because they no longer control the narrative or censor Hollywood or the media or control the halls of justice, they feel marginalized and bullied. Guess what, TOUGH SHIT! You controlled the narrative for long enough! Ever since the Roman Empire co-opted Christianity, white Europeans have controlled the narrative, written and told the story still printed in our history textbooks today. Talk about INDOCTRINATION!?!?! When was the minority view ever considered? When were they're stories ever told?

Only since the civil rights movement of the 1960's have we even BEGUN to learn about black and brown contributions to our great country. Only in recent decades have the voices of Native Americans been heard. ALL OF THOSE MARGINALIZED PEOPLES since the beginning of Western Civilization contributed greatly to our history! Think of the Native American code breakers who assisted our war effort, the black Union soldiers (and black veterans in every war since) who left their blood on battlefields around the South and the World, the migrant workers who put half of the produce in your local Walmart, etc...they have helped to shape America into the inclusive, representative republic that it was supposed to be. Their stories are finally getting added to the history books, but not without white backlash. Take for example, Critical Race Theory and how angry that made white Christians and other conservatives. HOW DARE THEY HAVE A VOICE! DON'T 'THOSE PEOPLE' KNOW THEIR PLACE???!

Which brings us back to whites becoming the minority. When you are the minority, your stories don't get to dominate the history books, the media, the collective narrative anymore. Again, WELCOME TO THE CLUB! How does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine???

Like I wrote in March 2016, "white privilege breeds fear and it has ever since the end of slavery." Conservatives who want to roll back time and "Make America Great Again," are just perpetuating age-old stereotypes, now including brown immigrants, and preying on white people's fear, their angst. Back in the 1870's, they didn't know what to do with newly freed slaves roaming the countryside, looking for work, housing, equal rights to free white citizens, so there was a huge backlash. Enter the Jim Crow era for the next 100 years!! And now, since civil rights assured them their equality, we are seeing the same Jim Crow-like backlash. It's called Project 2025 and the new, more aggressive, more fascist Trump regime. He's preying on that white angst like a mother####er!

Those "Christian values" they hold so dear are the same ones that "put Africans in shackles, Native Americans on reservations, turned a blind eye to the mostly Jewish Holocaust, interred Japanese-Americans and now wants to deport every 'illegal' back to their homeland," I wrote in 2016. Are the whites now afraid of a new black and brown backlash? That the same oppression they perpetuated for millenia will be brought back to bear on them??? Is that their fear? "Did the African-American President ever open those FEMA camps to inter white folks? Has any minority--Latino or otherwise--ever considered putting privileged white folks in shackles and selling them into slavery? So what are they so scared of?"

We've seen how the Establishment of old, rich white dudes react every time black or brown people seek to be heard, whether it's kneeling through an anthem or marching to protest George Floyd's death. I wrote in October 2017, "It's like a sudden eruption of white-hot angst from just below the surface that bubbles over in the form of hate, outrage and bigotry." And now that a WOMAN OF COLOR will probably be the next Democratic candidate for President, watch how the right responds. We already know how the white Christian right feels, it's in their manifesto (Project '25).

Their fear is that eons of "white privilege" is slowly being eroded away due to the fact that they will SOON no longer be in the majority. The socialist redistribution of wealth is a threat to the stranglehold they've had on this country since it's foundation. This is at the heart of their angst. This is why conservatives have aligned themselves with hate groups (like in Charlottesville, 2017) who shout, "WHITE POWER!" They are not ready to give over their privilege or their power. It causes them to lash out in anger and support a neo-Fascist (but only on Day One, right?) who whips them into a frenzy, even leading them to attack our government (like on Jan 6, 2021), to deny election results and to hate their black and brown neighbors--both legal and illegal. See my post from May 2019, "White Privilege Breeds White Nationalism."

It's about to all play out again this November and probably in January, when the election results are contested by the Orange Cult Leader and his minions.

I'm just going to need the white Christian nationalists and those worried about their white privilege, to sit down and simmer down! We've heard ENOUGH out of you. Let the black and brown people speak. It's their turn now.

The Illusion of Control

I have a friend who is a chronic worrier. She blogged about it yesterday and my comment went as follows:

I think that I have a normal amount of anxiety about things. I’m certainly not an over-worrier, but I do overthink things a lot, so I can sorta relate. What it boils down to for me is CONTROL. Worry gives us a false sense of it. Many things that we do or believe give us the same false sense of control. Because bottom line is, we don’t. We control our attitude, our thoughts, our emotions and our actions ( to varying degrees of success :D ), but that’s about it. I realized a couple of years ago that I really only control the space immediately around my person. I can put one foot in front of the other, but by the time I take the next breath, make the next move, I could drop dead from an aneurysm ( somewhat fatalistic, I know ). But it helps give me perspective. I can control my breathing, I can remain aware of my surroundings and avoid pitfalls, control how I perceive things, but I can’t control outcomes, other people, the unknown… That helps me to keep a healthy balance, knowing realistically what I control…and it’s not much!

I have been thinking that lately the blood is increasing
The tourniquet's not keeping hold in spite of our twisting
Though we would like to believe we are
We are not in control
Though we would love to believe

(D. Matthews, "Dive In" lyrics)

As Dave Matthew's sings, "We are not in control though we would love to believe." And many people do believe they have control--control over situations and circumstances, control over others, control over outcomes--but as Science Daily points out, the "Illusion of control is the tendency for human beings to believe they can control or at least influence outcomes that they demonstrably have no influence over." So for instance, you're in conflict with a friend, a partner or lover and you are trying desperately to smooth things over, so maybe you hold back, tell a partial truth or try in some way to protect their feelings. In reality, you don't want to give over control to that person, allow them to have the information (the whole truth), to process it and to react. It could be that you're afraid of the reaction, so you control the information to try and control the outcome.

It's no different than the chronic worrier who somehow tricks herself into believing that all that worry is going to better prepare her to face some perceived difficulty or potential tragedy. It won't. Worry doesn't produce positive results. It's basically a waste of time. Same goes for the person who tries to control outcomes. It actually inhibits the other person, it doesn't help them. If you feel that you're trying to protect them (i.e. act in their best interest), what you're probably doing is trying to protect yourself and serve your own self-interest. It's counterproductive.

Best-selling author Brene Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” To allow someone else the freedom to respond however they respond to new information, to have feelings, to be heard and validated for those feelings takes vulnerability. If you believe you can control their response (i.e. control the outcome of the exchange or dialogue), then you are not operating from a place of vulnerability, therefore, you are not fully engaged and connected to that person. It's a complete illusion if you believe you can control the outcome, somehow. You don't control other people. You only control you.

Some people seem addicted to this illusion. They refuse to give up control. It would somehow put them in a place of inferiority. But the truth is, none of us have control--not over others, not over the unknown, not over outcomes. Embracing that reality and letting go of the illusion is a place of freedom. The illusion never gave you any real control, anyway. It was a lie you kept telling yourself.

I was a control-freak for a very long time. I always wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it and I wanted it my way...always. I had ways of manipulating people or forcing my will, my beliefs onto them so that I'd hold the power in the relationship. Amazing how many of those relationships either faded away or ended badly. They weren't real, lasting connections. They were simply power trips.

I thought I was in control of my life. I thought I had enough information (like you can ever know enough) to be in full control of my future, my spiritual life, my marriage, my other relationships. I was very egotistical and proud. My feet got knocked out from under me more times than I could count. Each time, I was reminded that I'm actually not in control. Quite humbling.

Humility is a great starting point, a teachable moment. I learned a lot from having my house of cards fall to the ground. I've had to return to humility too many times to count. And I'm sure that I will again. But humility and vulnerability are where I feel most real, authentic and connected to humankind. The vanquishing of that illusion of control has freed my mind. I've willingly let go of it. It did not serve me well, at all. It never really gave me control of anything.

Like I told my friend, the worrier, I can only control me--what I think, how I handle new information, my reaction, my choices and decisions. I need to let go of everything and everyone else and just control my mind and emotions. Be honest. Be authentic. Be humble and kind (as the song goes). Embrace vulnerability and have real connection with others. I hope this makes sense and maybe even resonates with some of you. Love, light and peace, my friends.

What brought us the Trumpinator? White angst.

I asked and answered my own question in the headline. "What brought us the Trumpinator? White angst." This blog post examines how we got to a place where a reality TV star and real estate mogul became the face of "white America" and why that scares me.

I don't dip my toe too often into political waters, not because I'm politically illiterate or can't swim, merely because I'm disenfranchised and I haven't felt like swimming in a long time. I don't believe my vote even counts. My say in matters of government mean absolutely nothing. I'm not represented by people inside the beltway. They are mere puppets of Super PAC's, Wall Street and men with money, influence and power, of which I'm none of those.

But I'm writing this post today, in the shadow of Super Tuesday, with a growing unease of where this election cycle is headed. If you think down the toilet, that'd be my feelings about the state of the Everglades, Lake Okeechobee and the SWFL beaches. No, my feelings about where DECISION 2016 is headed is subterranean, an upper ring of Hades, more like.

It all started with the three-ring circus run by the GOP this election cycle. The "Bad Lip Reading" videos of each GOP debate on YouTube were hilarious, but mostly because they weren't that far-fetched. And as Trump distanced himself from the other Republican candidates, I just sat back and laughed. I didn't take it at all serious until serious candidates, like Gov. Jeb Bush, dropped out of the race. That got my attention, but I still blamed Bush's inept advisors and campaign leaders. As it became more and more clear in the primaries leading up to Super Tuesday that Trump was indeed going to be the Republican candidate for President, I became more serious, as in seriously alarmed. What if this race boils down to Trump vs. Hillary? OMG! That's a very real possibility now.

Now, it's time to wake up and get active. I don't want either of those inept, morally bankrupt kooks running my country!

But how did we even get here?

I don't want to waste my time on a beltway insider like Hillary Clinton. We all know why she's there. And we pretty much know where she stands. We need another Clinton about like we need another Bush in the White House. I'm over career politicians, by the way. They only serve to exacerbate and extend the age-old problem in politics and to reinforce all the stale jokes about how far you can trust them. That is, about as far as you can throw them!

But the Trump phenomenon is beyond weird. He played upon the growing angst of white, conservative America. He served up, in true reality TV fashion, all the most inflammatory rhetoric he could muster, like a grand dragon at a KKK rally in the deep woods of Mississippi. He's yet to distance himself from that domestic terrorist organization, by the way.

And what is at the heart of that angst? Is it the same disenfranchisement that I've been feeling? I think it is, but for many different reasons. Where I feel voiceless is because I don't own any land, have any assets or any political clout of any kind. Where they feel voiceless is in stemming the tide of progress in Western society, in general. This is why they cling to their "traditional" and "family" values. They want to believe that life was actually once like "Leave It To Beaver" and their favorite black-and-white television shows of the 1950's. They'd like nothing more than to turn back the clock and relive those heydays of segregated bliss. They want prayer back in school, abortion abolished and white privilege to once again reign supreme.

If you gave them collectively the chance to roll back the changes brought on by the social revolution of the 1960's, I'd bet you they'd gladly do it! I say, "Let's buy them all 'Back to the Future'-style Deloreans and set the destination for them!" Back to 1955 and away they go!!!

Because what the cultural and social revolution brought us in the turbulent times into which I was born are the progressive values of the new millennium. And part of that creed is that everyone should have a voice. People, regardless of sex, race, sexual orientation or religion, are inherently equal. I mean, for the love of God, that's a 1787 value!!!

But white privilege breeds fear and it has ever since the end of slavery. I believe Trump has preyed upon that fear and stoked its evil embers. "Immigrants are bad!" "Be scared of anyone who doesn't look like you!" "They are only here to steal your jobs, your income, your wellbeing!" These themes are nothing new. In fact, they are ancient. But no one has marginalized the white, Anglo, Protestant majority more than itself! They have marginalized themselves because of their illegitimate fears and now they are fighting back against a straw man! And Trump is their new ideological leader. "Death to the straw man who is out to steal our money, our jobs, our way of life!"

It baffles me how these people, amongst who I was raised, feel threatened by the progresses we've made as a society, as humans. Science has progressed rapidly, allowing us to see far out into the galaxy and even to take a closer look at our own planet to see what irreversible damage we've done to it. Yet, now science is somehow bad. It's like they want to turn the clock back to Roman Imperial times and imprison the heretics who say the Earth is warming, or that it's indeed round!

In the new Millennium, with the freedom to practice and engage in any religious ritual one feels comfortable, the WASPy world wants to turn back the clock to Puritanical times when white Christians fleeing government tyranny ruled the day. We now know what those "Christians" did to the non-white minority (who were then actually still in the majority in this country). And it didn't stop there. Those same "Christian values" put Africans in shackles, Native Americans on reservations, turned a blind eye to the mostly Jewish Holocaust, interred Japanese-Americans and now wants to deport every "illegal" back to their homeland. WWJD, folks? (Hint: read about the Samaritan woman at the well...it's in the New Testament...that's to the right of all the warnings about homosexuality!)

What has white privilege bought these people? A growing sense of fear. They fear that they are no longer in the majority, a position of absolute power. And even if that were so, do they really think any of those great tragedies would be wrought upon them as a whole? Did the African-American President ever open those FEMA camps to inter white folks? Has any minority--Latino or otherwise--ever considered putting privileged white folks in shackles and selling them into slavery? So what are they so scared of?

I know how scary same-sex unions can be. Look at how stirred up the right got over gay marriage!

I know how scary it is to share the streets with men wearing turbans and women who keep their faces covered. You know, because it's so much better to have your skirt barely cover your hoo-ha and your boobs hanging out (a real American value).

I know how scary school desegregation was in the 70's. I LIVED IT! (and survived it, btw)

I grew up in a racially mixed, lower middle class neighborhood. I think diversity is what's so great about this country. But the growing polarization is what scares me more than anything...more than gun violence, terrorism, illegal immigration, even Donald Trump as President. If we keep on this current course, I fear we are headed for a revolution. But that's a topic for a separate rant/blog post.

I'm speaking up this year because it really concerns me how "white America" has responded to the perceived risk to their centuries-old privilege, the status quo and the new social norms. If Donald Trump is really their "savior" and the answer to all that ills them, then heaven help us!!! This is a time for all of us, even those of us who feel totally disenfranchised and unrepresented, to speak up and shine the light on white angst and fear mongering politicians. This is our country and it's about time that well-meaning, non-voting people of all color take it back.

"Look, Ma! No hands!"

Fear is something I learned early in life--fear of the dark, fear of storms, fear of getting hurt, etc., etc. I wouldn't even ride the new bike I got for my sixth birthday for fear of falling down and skinning my knees or elbows...or worse. Not sure if God gives us fear as a safeguard, but I had an unhealthy dose.

Well, yesterday as I was circling the nature trail behind my 6-year-old, I was amazed at how well she rides a bike for her age. No fear. Actually, I was the one worried about her taking a sharp curve on the leaf-covered trail and losing it. I don't think that ever crossed her mind, at all. As she pedalled fast and leaned into the serpentine bends of the trail, I swelled with a little pride.

What struck me was the fact that my two daughters fear very little. Did God use the baby dropper to administer their fear level? Or had my wife and I done a good enough job of parenting to ensure that they don't fear the world or the everyday scrapes and bruises that are just a part of growing up?

Either way, I am thankful that my daughters don't fear the things I did as a kid. Seriously, I didn't even ride a bike until I was 10! I was that fearful. My hope is that my daughters will always grab life by the horns and go for it; that fear will never creep in and lord over them the way it has me at times in my life (not just as a kid).

It seemed like an odd thought to have while enjoying a bike ride on a warm, sunny afternoon, but I've ruminated on it now for several hours and I am very thankful. I guess God knew what he was doing when he gave me the two most wonderful girls in the whole world. Guess I shouldn't fear their growing up and moving out. Just another fact of life...and mine has been enriched so much in the last 10 years.