HELL 2.0

That was the theme of my morning journal entry today, 12 Oct 2022.

Two-point-O, you ask?

Well, let me take you back to my blog post on the very last day of 2016, "Worst Year, EVER!" I'd call 2016 (technically the end of Nov 2015 through Oct 2016) "HELL 1.0!"

I lost my car and my license that year. I lost my job, then after a summer with my grieving father, it took me until the end of September 2016 to regain employment. That's when things finally began leveling off, but then I had to face the first anniversary of Mom's death over Thanksgiving Weekend. Needless to say, Thanksgiving is no longer a holiday for me. I could live without the reminder.

I don't remember 2017 being a whole lot better, then 2018 kinda sucked, until I moved back in with my girls post-Hurricane Michael in mid-October '18. Christmas was ok, though I think the girls spent the full two weeks out of school with their Mom in PCB. As I recall, 2019 was a blur with patches of homelessness, where I slept out on the street. That year ended with several of my friends struggling to kick flu-like symptoms FOR WEEKS (HELLO, COVID-19!!!), which our government tried to cover-up until the following Spring when the outbreak COULDN'T be ignored! So 2020 began with COVID, then George Floyd and racial unrest, but I was quarantined with my girls so the first half of that year sucked LESS than the previous four.

So why HELL 2.0 for the current year?

Well, let's back up to October 2021.

I get a call from my sister the morning of 4 Oct 21 that Dad's COVID-induced pneumonia seems to be letting up, he's breathing better than ever and seems to have turned a corner. He'd been hospitalized a few days with breathing difficulty. BUT by later that day, he nosedived and his condition was worse than before. That night, around 8:30, he was dead. "Turned the corner???"

Through the great kindness of a wonderful, new friend in Boulder, CO, I was able to fly home the following afternoon. Officially, the year of hell had begun.

We memorialized Dad, but not without major drama from some former siblings, one of whom I had to take to court to send a message. I'd rather not elaborate for fear I might throw this laptop out this second-story window!

By the time Christmas 2021 rolled around, I'd had enough. I was preparing my return to either Boulder or the beach. Then, in a state of unwellness, I did the opposite and stayed in Indiana, rekindling what I believed to be an old flame. Turns out, I was just horny.

That misstep led to FIVE MONTHS of misery. THAT's how my year, 2022, started. I was living in the trash heap of Evansville, IN, trying to make the best of it, pouring myself into genealogical research and visiting nearby family--that was the lone bright spot of the Winter/Spring 2022. But in that time, I burnt through most of my meager inheritance from Dad. I, again, had nothing--no car, no home...

I had to escape that frying pan for the fire at my sister's house. ABSOLUTE CHAOS!

I knew this about my sister's living situation, but what was I to do? Go immediately back to Boulder?

My relationship with my girls was already on life support...I don't know why, honestly. That left me no real reason to go back to Boulder...so BEACH it was!

Only my sister needed me...and begged me to come back and make some semblance of order out of her chaotic existence. It was above my paygrade. I failed. That's not a word that's been part of my lexicon much since 2001. I don't like it. I like even less to have to admit failure. But that's what 2022 has been--one after the other!

I was looking to escape to Fort Myers Beach as early as June of this year. I floundered, began struggling again with depression, barely able to grieve my father's death for MONTHS! I was miserable.

It's worth noting here that being ORPHANED, no matter your age, is no easy thing to wrestle or come to grips with. I turned 54 in September. I hate being an orphan!! I lost the parents who not only raised me, but we GREW UP TOGETHER! And to make matters worse, I have no reliable siblings now, either. I'm a man without a family. And since my girls have ghosted me--at 18 and 21--I really feel like a ship without a home and without a rudder.

I'm adrift...

Adding to that helpless feeling, my beach, the one I was to go back to in June, then August, then September? IT WAS DECIMATED BY HURRICANE IAN ON SEPT. 28TH!!! How's that for a kicker???

I was literally looking at transportation costs on the day of my birthday, exactly two weeks earlier, then Ian hit...OF ALL PLACES!!! FMB took the brunt of 12-15 feet of storm surge and brutal 100mph+ winds, sustained. The beach now lies in ruins. I had my best friends down there ride it out in their stilted home. It barely escaped destruction. Their business was not so lucky.

I still plan to go back there, but there is no water, no power and parts of the island are inaccessible due to massive piles of debris, downed trees and power lines. It could be a month before power is restored.

Yeah, this year (Oct 2021 - Present) has sucked JUST AS BAD as 2016!!!
I cannot imagine Hell being much worse.

Signed,
Rudderless in 2022

Fort Myers Beach Decimated

'Absolute devastation' about sums up the aftermath of Hurricane Ian to my island paradise, Fort Myers Beach (FMB). I posted yesterday about the threat posed to the 7-mile island. Well, it became a worst case scenario. As Ian gained strength over the warm waters of the Gulf, he curved northeastward, nearly imitating the track of 2004's Hurricane Charley. He went right up Charlotte Harbor after decimating Lee County's barrier islands.

The problem for Fort Myers Beach is that they escaped the eye. There was no respite from the winds and waves churned by Hurricane Ian. It was a constant barrage from the approaching eyewall, which first inundated Sanibel to the north. But as the cyclone scooted east, it brought the southeast quadrant of the eyewall over FMB. And once hurricane-force winds were onshore, it never let up. FMB remained in the eyewall even after the storm made landfall. While other areas, like Punta Gorda and Port Charlotte got the reprieve of the eye, FMB did not. It was a constant barrage.

The reported 16-foot storm surge did most of the damage. High winds took care of the rest. It really was absolute devastation. The aerial footage that has come in all day, from drones and helicopters, has shown the breadth of the damage. It's breathtaking. It took me half the day to wrap my brain around it.

The pier is gone (left). Yesterday morning I was watching foolish beachgoers navigate the rough surf under that pier. The downtown area known as "Times Square" along the shoreline at the pier is also gone. The area I frequented, the outdoor plaza where my band played several "sunset festivals," is a mass of debris and empty foundations.

One of the town's councilmen, interviewed on CNN, said, "There's nothing to come back to."

But back is where I was headed. Back to my beach, my happy place, my home.

Now?

Will they rebuild? Will corporate resorts take over the town now?

It's lost all of it's character and small town charm. My favorite beach bars are gone. The locals who staffed them will go elsewhere.

Coast Guard helicopters have hovered over FMB all day looking for those needing airlifted to safety. Everyone's car is flooded, damaged or gone. And even if residents DID have transportation, the roads are impassable. The island is a literal dump heap of debris...and boats...lots of boats.

On the approach to Matanzas Pass Bridge, aerial coverage shows the Shrimp Fleet all piled up on the east edge of the bay. Like toy boats, these large vessels are stacked haphazardly. Besides tourism, the shrimping industry was the other piece of the beach's economic puzzle. Now that's gone, as are all the locally owned businesses.

I'm beginning to believe the councilman is right. There really is nothing to go back to.

 

HURRICANE WARNING: Fort Myers Beach

There's a reason for everything, so I've learned to just go with it.

After getting waylaid in the Hoosier State, and opining for life in coastal Belize, I found myself spending another month up here spinning my wheels. I wasn't sure why. I wanted to be in Florida.

My plan since leaving for Boulder in late 2020 was to return to "my beach," Fort Myers Beach (FMB), where I'd transitioned from a married man to a divorcee back in 2012-13. I fell in love with that place. I FOUND MYSELF on that beach!

I couldn't figure out if I wanted to go back there anymore or head straight for Belize. Well, Mother Nature may make the decision for me. Over the next 48 hours, my beach may take the brunt and brute force of a Category 3 or 4 hurricane.

Hurricane Ian, ripped across the Western end of Cuba overnight, and set it's sights on Southwest Florida, a little south of it's forecasted trajectory. That's where I would have been the last couple weeks had I gotten my way. But for this reason, I was held at bay. How much would it have sucked getting down there, just getting my bearings again and having to evacuate mandatorily. That call came from local government at 7:50 a.m.

Now my island--that seven-mile stretch of postcard paradise dressed in ivory sand--is in the crosshairs of this dangerous storm. What will be left after 10-plus feet of storm surge?? The elevation there is all of THREE FEET! They'll be underwater.

We saw what Hurricane Charley did in 2004. That Cat 4 storm entered the States at Charlotte Harbor, well north of FMB. It cut Captiva Island into three sections, three smaller islands now connected by bridges. That was an indirect hit. FMB is similar in contour and just south of Captiva and Sanibel islands. I doubt it'll fare much better than did Captiva in '04.

I'm worried about my friends down there. I'm also worried I won't have a beach to enjoy anymore. But I am thankful I didn't head down there prematurely.

Maybe Belize IS in my short-term future. Who knows? Time will tell.

I guess the point of all this rambling is "just relax, live in the moment, don't resist." That's a lesson the Universe/Life has been trying to teach me of late. I was resistant to staying here in Indiana. I was eager to get back to my happy place! ALL IN GOOD TIME...and now is not a good time to be on Fort Myers Beach.

10 Reasons Why I'm Moving to Belize - #1 BEACH PARADISE

OK, Sports Fans!!! WE'VE ARRIVED AT NUMBER ONE!!! In Top Ten Reasons Belize is on my "retirement radar."

It's like a postcard...every image you see when you Google "Belize Beach" or "Belizean Beaches." Take the above, for example, just three of the images that came up this morning.

IT LOOKS IDYLLIC!!!

Everything that I loved about Fort Myers Beach, FL, just without the hassle of beach traffic, local politics, high rises and all the things wrong with America!

I've known since 2011 I was meant to live at the beach. At my core, I'm a BONAFIDE BEACH BUM, meant to live at a slower pace, a higher frequency and very minimally. Belize offers all of that and more!

Just give me a hammock in the shade of a palm tree with some cold beverage and a book. I'll be content as a clam!

I didn't realize how badly I wanted to escape the toxic (and increasingly violent) political climate of the U.S. The divisive rhetoric reached a crescendo in January 2021 and it's devolved into threats of civil war. Is that what America has come to? Is this the fate of the 200+ year American Experiment? Then COUNT ME OUT!!! (The "American Dream" was never for me, anyway!)

As alluring as The Florida Keys are to me, I'd rather just escape our borders to the safety of a third-world Central American country. I can fly under the radar there, live in my happy place (THE BEACH!) and live as a minimalist in nature. 

There are only 400k people in the tiny country on the Caribbean! And Placencia residents DON'T EVEN HAVE ADDRESSES!!!

What we called "Snowbird Season" in Florida exists there, too. An influx of tourists during the winter months, then the calm after the storm all summer long!

I won't need as much to support myself, so finding work locally should suffice. I'll only be responsible for me, myself and I.

And I can breathe the fresh air of Placencia and fill my lungs with the life-giving sea breezes. I can get back to ME!

After the hellstorm of the last year, that sounds QUITE DIVINE!!!

It's not going to happen immediately. I don't even have a passport, yet. This will be my first adventure across the border...but I CANNOT WAIT!!!

In the near-term, you'll find me recuperating and saving up, getting my affairs in order (including my first-ever passport) and living the beach life in the familiar white sands along the Gulf. But the BEACH IS MY HAPPY PLACE and I intend to get back there.

Belize is a veritable BEACH PARADISE and that's REASON NUMBER ONE I'm moving there!

10 Reasons Why I'm Moving to Belize - #2 English-Speaking

Alright, folks, we've come to the TOP TWO reasons I'm moving to Belize! 

I need to get out of the U.S., but I am unilingual. You'd think after all my years in Florida, I would have learned some Spanish, at least enough to carry on a simple conversation. But, alas, no. I picked up some things here and there, words and phrases, but I never made the effort to learn Florida's second language.

And I didn't have my sights set on Central America. In fact, until recently, I hadn't even considered it as a destination. My sights have been on Fort Myers Beach or The Keys in Florida since living in the former 2011-2014. As I've mentioned previously, and those that know me, know this--THE BEACH IS MY HAPPY PLACE! I've also mentioned other coastal locations, outside the U.S., I had considered, like Cuba or the Bahamas. Those places are outside the contiguous States, but close enough to be a short flight or boat trip away. Heck, people have swum the 90-mile Florida Straits between Cuba and The Keys.

But a big consideration was that I find an English-speaking country. I didn't want to be fish-out-of-water in a Latin American country where I didn't know exactly what was being said. I didn't want the language barrier to cause me confusion or trouble. So I began a search for coastal destinations where English is the primary language.

Two countries that I never even considered came up in the Top 10--Panama and Belize. Nothing about Panama, other than it's proximity to the equator, appealed to me. Belize, being a little closer and a lot less political/military, became my top choice. The fact that it's economy, like Florida, was run on tourism (and the exchange rate is great/easy) was another minor factor.

It actually surprised me that language would be such a big consideration. But I was looking for ease of assimilation and this fact draws a lot of expats from northern countries, like me. I initially looked into Corozal on the northern coast. But a little more digging soon revealed that Placencia is more my speed, though much further south.

These people, diverse as they are, can understand me! I won't struggle so much to fit into this melting pot of cultures, people and dialects. That is a HUGE plus, especially considering a move outside of the comforts of home.

In my last blog post, I recapped the other eight reasons that led me to choose Belize. I won't repeat myself here...but it did surprise me that FOOD did not make the top five. Coffee, sort of an afterthought at #10, would normally rate higher, as well. But ease of assimilation by knowing the "native" language--and Belize was a British colony in my lifetime--is more important than I would have expected. The Bahamas and Cuba, due to their proximity and the former also being ruled by the UK, were other places where assimilation would be easy...but they aren't BELIZE! Also, the corruption in Cuba was a major concern.

And while I've read all the fears about crime in Belize. It is localized and central to southern Belize City where gang activity is high. My sister also worries about traveling through Mexico and the proximity to drug cartels, but as I've told her, I'll simply steer clear. I've done my homework and Belizeans are warm, friendly and welcoming. Even the gangs don't usually target tourists or expats...it's more brown-on-brown crime...and in the city.

I'm sure I'll eventually travel into the city, the main airport is there, and the port for cruise ships, but I will stick to the well-known, well-lit streets...and would probably go with a local who knows the area. But English-speaking Belize IT IS!!!

10 Reasons Why I'm Moving to Belize - #3 COST OF LIVING

 Here's a short video on the cost of living in Belize.

As you can see, one can live comfortably in Belize on about half as much as you'd need in America. Housing, food and other necessities are much less in the Central American country. There are more pricey coastal areas, but upon researching several such videos, most agreed that Placencia offers beach life at a lower price. That sealed the deal for me!

CURRENCY EXCHANGE RATE: Currently 2-to-1 Belizean dollars to USD! 

I won't need a boatload of cash to move to Belize and live on the coast. I can find affordable housing, and if I eat locally, which I explained in #6 - FOOD, I can eat on the cheap, as well. Oh yeah, and in my food blog I FORGOT TO MENTION CHOCOLATE! Nothing compares to Central American cacao! That's why it was so central in Mayan culture. And I like it extra dark!

Since 2006, and even more earnestly in 2012, I began downsizing my accumulation of things. I learned how much less I could live on and began looking at minimalism, minimalistic living and tiny houses. I went extreme in 2018-2021 and realized even how much less I needed to SURVIVE! It was an eye-opening experience. So part of moving to a third-world country is my search for a simpler life. I just want to make enough money to support a minimalistic way of life. Even if I never build the tiny house boat I've dreamed about, I could invest in land cheaply there! Belize is looking more and more like a long-term solution to me.

Here's another video from a group who planned a 5-day trip and ended up staying more than a MONTH! Now, they were living LARGE, but you don't need the most expensive beach home on the coast or that many paid-for activities to make a life there. Still, this video couldn't have been better produced by the Belize Tourism Board.

SO A BIG DRAW TO BELIZE IS IT'S AFFORDABILITY! Stay tuned for the TOP TWO...

10 Reasons Why I'm Moving to Belize - #5 Culture

"English-speaking and Creole-dominated, Belize has more in common with its Caribbean island neighbors than its bordering Spanish-speaking countries. With a laid-back ambiance of swinging hammocks, large swaths of impenetrable jungle, and an underwater world of twisted corals, neon fish, and gentle manatees, Belize is a tropical treasure." SOURCE--https://www.adventure-life.com/belize/articles/history-and-culture-of-belize

I couldn't have said it better myself. Sub-tropical, laid back, colorful, diverse, Caribbean...are just some of the words I could also use to describe Destination: Belize.

From coast to jungle, there's so much to love about Belize. One piece of their history, dating way back before the common era, is Mayan Culture. I can't wait to go explore the ruins there!

"There was still a large Mayan population in Belize when Cortés arrived in 1519," according to Belize History at this travel site. Then in 1660, the Brits arrived to set up a logging camp. That began Belize's long history of colonization. They only became an independent country on September 21, 1981. That's the day they celebrate their independence. The democratic country is really still in it's infancy and trying to fight it's way out of third world status...tourism is helping.

Yesterday, I wrote about the diversity of their food, and before that the diversity of their people. The diversity of it's topography, history and culture is another draw. I can't wait to discover their music and customs firsthand...to play my djembe on the beach, to dance to the music of the Garifuna people and to immerse myself in the Caribbean vibe.

While there is no theater district in Placencia or local orchestra, there is still an abundance of culture available. Who has funds for an annual membership to the symphony anyway? I'd prefer a symphony of Western African hand drums, anyday!

The beach and the ruins will be my church!

Imagine meditation at this spot--Cahal Pech! The closest thing we have in The States are earthen mounds built by the Mississippian culture within Native America.

I had considered Cuba, as a Caribbean destination, for it's food, music and culture, or the Bahamas for it's laid-back, English-speaking, island vibe...but Belize offers all of that and more. It's the Belizean culture that starts my TOP FIVE reasons for moving south!

The Dance and Where I'm Going

Watch this video (listen really):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV-D2_G9w5c

I've listened to several Alan Watts' clips, but never this one until yesterday, after finding it on my new favorite vlogger's YouTube Channel.

When I blogged the other day about Reality TV/Vlogs, I didn't mean I was swearing them off. They are still my escape and guilty pleasure. And the last few days I've been following Alyssa Bean, aka RegretLyss (her YT and IG handle), who lives with her dog in a converted short bus. This off-grid, non-traditional "van life," or "bus life," has been her thing most of her adult life. A graduate of Purdue and social media guru, she travels the country and has a video diary where she delves into her psyche while sharing her solo wandering from mountain to shoreline.

Check out RegretLyss on YouTube

As a non-traditionalist, wanderer/explorer, I dig her vibe. But I've been too sedentary of late. When I was living in the foothills of the Rockies, I was exploring all the time. I was very active, hiking to peaks in the 8,000-foot range, lounging at waterfalls, exploring abandoned mines...AND MYSELF! But here in the last 10 months, I've been nearly stationary, motionless and growing more and more restless. I need to wander. That's why you've caught me dreaming of Belize.

Part of that is discontent and wanting to leave this country for good. The other part is simply my wanderlust and need to find my center at the beach, in the tropics! 

But what about "the dance," as Watts puts it?

What about my day-to-day existence...my presence on Planet Earth? I haven't been dancing; I've been surviving. How much longer can I exist in survival mode? Even being sedentary as I have been, it's exhausting! It's taken a toll on my psyche. And I need to get back to dancing.

Thanks to Alyssa for the reminder yesterday. (I'll get back to "the countdown" momentarily, thanks for reading).