Florida Connection Made Early in Life

Princeton, Indiana, my birthplace will forever be home to me. I have deep roots there dating back to pioneer times, 1811. I grew up in Indianapolis until the age of 17 and that city also feels like home to me. But from a very early age, Florida has had a special hold on me.

My first time in the Sunshine State I can only recall from faint memories and family photos. My parents took my sister and I to the new Walt Disney World in Central Florida for Christmas 1971. We stayed in the Contemporary Hotel and I found the space-age monorail going right through the heart of that concrete and glass building an absolute marvel! I was only three years old at the time.

I believe we went from there to visit my Dad’s oldest sister, Pat Kern, and her family who had just moved to Miramar, Florida. Uncle John took a teaching position at Miami-Dade Community College upon his departure from the news media in Indiana. It was my first beach experience and seeing the massive Atlantic Ocean.

It was just a couple of years later that my Dad’s parents retired to South Florida from Princeton, IN. We visited them once in Lake Worth before they died, at least I have photo evidence that we did. My Doyle grandparents lived in a trailer park with shuffleboard courts for four years before death visited them in March 1977. Grandma and Grandpa Doyle died within days of each other and were buried in Lake Worth’s Catholic Cemetery very near the edge of town and the Everglades.

Mom had an oldest brother, David, who also became a Floridian in the early 1970’s. He sold insurance for Prudential and left Princeton for New Port Richey after adopting my cousin Shawn. That period of my life from being a mere toddler to a kindergartener was full of upheaval. In a matter of two years, my Godmother Aunt Pat, my grandparents and my Uncle David all left our small town in Southwest Indiana for Sunny Florida. Following that, in ‘74, we made the move to Indy.

By the time I reached junior high in 1980, my family was vacationing in Destin in Florida’s Panhandle. We loved the pristine sand dunes, soft powdery white sands and emerald waters. It wasn’t as populated or developed back then. My parents fell in love with the area and moved their vacation spot to the Seaside Villas in Panama City Beach for the next three decades. Like I would later become, my Mom was a certified beach bum!

The mid-1980’s would find my immediate family in Florida, too. Making good on a promise to my Mom, Dad took a transfer to Florida with his job as soon as it became available. So a week after I graduated high school, we all moved to Tallahassee. That began my 26 years in the Capital City of the Sunshine State and 30 in Florida, including Fort Myers Beach.

I found FMB only because another one of Dad’s sisters had purchased a winter home here on Bay Beach Lane. I caught the beach bug in 2011 and after a brutal winter in Indiana moved here that summer. My time here with my wife and kids 2011-12, then on my own as a recent divorcee until February 2014, is when I fell in love with this island!

You can ask my daughters. From the time I moved back to Tallahassee in ‘14, they always knew I’d find my way back here. After my youngest graduated in May 2023, I did just that. Coming back to a hurricane ravaged coast had its downsides but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else! FMB is my home…and my happy place.

But while riding out the outer bands of Hurricane Idalia into the early morning hours, I considered for the first time how early my connection to Florida began. I remembered Aunt Pat and Uncle David moving here first and then my grandparents. Those early trips to Miramar and New Port Richey, trips on David’s boat out to a private key and all subsequent beach visits gave me a real love for being near the water.

I guess my connection to this state runs pretty deep, too. Regardless of Andrew, Micheal or Ian, all major hurricanes that impacted me in some way or another, I’ll never leave this place again…my happy place!

Beach Elementary: A Unique Firsthand Perspective

 Original post:

https://fmbislander.wordpress.com/2023/07/28/beach-elementary-a-unique-firsthand-perspective/

BY Ellie Bunting (Special to the FMBIslander)

Tomorrow [October 6, 2022] at 6 PM at Skip One Seafood, there will be a meeting to discuss the future of the Beach School. This school has been an integral part of our community since 1937. I attended the Beach School in the late 50’s. My children attended the Beach School in the 90’s. My mother taught at the Beach School for many years. My daughter did her teaching internship at the Beach School. The Beach School is a very special place, and it needs to be available for future generations of beach kids to attend.

Photo courtesy of Ellie Bunting

Over the last 80 years, the number of children who have benefitted from this island school is in the thousands. The school is the heart of the community, and all of the beach kids have fond memories of the years they spent learning the basics and preparing them for a successful transition to the “big school” in town.

Prior to 1937, children on the island were bussed to the Iona School on McGregor.  Thanks to many dedicated mothers, the first beach school opened in the Mayhew Page cottage at 2563 Cottage Street. One teacher oversaw the 27 first, second, and third grade children.  She was paid $80 a month by the school board.  Parents took donations to pay for rental of the cottage, which was still standing before Ian (it is no longer there).  In 1938, a two-room schoolhouse was built on Sterling Street.  Another teacher was added to the school which now housed grades one to six. When the population of the island increased during World War II, a lunchroom was added behind the school which also served as an additional classroom.  In 1943 another teacher was added, and by 1949, the old school closed, and the new school opened on School Street.

This is the second Beach School on Sterling Street (Photo courtesy of Ellie Bunting)

The original building had six classrooms, and a large auditorium with a stage. In 1955 a cafeteria was added as well as an administration office and additional classrooms.

Growing up on the island, the school was a gathering place for families.  I can still remember the names of each teacher I had for the six years I spent at the Beach School.  My mother was the “permanent substitute” at the school for many years, and I was lucky enough to get to know some of these dedicated educators on a personal level.

When my children attended the school in the 1990’s, I realized that little had changed.  The school was still a special place with a hometown feel.  Everyone knew each other and it was like a private school. I was thrilled when my daughter was in Winnie Yordy’s class.  I was in her class when she was a first or second year teacher.  Angie was in her class as she was looking towards retirement.

Photo courtesy of Ellie Bunting

In its heyday, the school housed over 300 students.  The population has decreased since the cost of living on the island has become out of reach for many young parents. However, we should not assume this decline will continue. We have many Beach School alumni who have settled here. They are now becoming parents, and their children need the Beach School as much as their parents did back in the day.

As of this posting [originally posted October 5, 2022, titled “Save Our School”], the future of Beach Elementary remains uncertain. [Editor’s Note: Lee County School District announced earlier this year plans to open November 13th for the return of students to our island school.]

Ellie Bunting is a writer and realtor, working with husband of 39 years Bob and daughter Angie at TriPower. A retired teacher, Ellie serves as President of the Board of Directors for the Estero Island Historic Society. Both she and Bob are avid boaters with extensive knowledge of the wonderful fishing, sailing, and paddle boarding opportunities right in our backyard. Ellie has a book soon to be published on the history of our beloved schoo. Follow her blog at buntingsbeachblog.com .

Latest Article - FMBIslander.com

 https://fmbislander.com/2023/07/24/no-date-for-reopening-matanzas-pass-preserve/

I haven’t been writing like I should, but I did post one article today.

Two reasons—this heat and humidity is sapping my energy. We were under heat advisories this weekend due to 110-degree-plus heat indices. So getting out to run down interviews or take pics has been limited. I stayed inside, sat at a bar (to hydrate) or in a pool.

Also, I’ve been asked to do some grant writing for a friend’s church. Maybe overstretching myself between all this writing, research and volunteering.

Stay tuned.

New Article on the Beach Library

https://fmbislander.wordpress.com/2023/07/18/fort-myers-beach-library-update/

To view all my recent articles, visit FMBIslander.com

My new Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094471973535

Goodbye Shamrock!

 

Video credit: @DebyRoxane

Photos I took last week:

The famed dive bar at 2201 Estero Blvd was decimated by Ian and demolished today by heavy machinery.  My coworker and friend DebyRoxane Sams shot video this morning.

The Mound House, an island treasure

 

It sits at the end of Connecticut Street and is my favorite spot to take my coffee and journal to greet the day! No better place to catch the sunrise over the red mangroves on the back bay.

I took these photos this morning ahead of tomorrow’s interview with Events Coordinator Adam Knight at the Mound House. Being the highest point on Estero Island helped spare the 117-year-old property from too much saltwater intrusion. Most of the damage was taken by the underground museum portion, now under renovation.

The oldest home on Fort Myers Beach, its back portion, the Tudor-style villa was erected in 1906. But the shell mound it sits atop is centuries old, piled almost 20 feet high by the native Calusa people. This morning when I visited to take these photos, there was a lone fisherman pulling Spanish mackerel up onto the observation dock.

It’s a serene location to sip my coffee, gather my thoughts, meditate, journal and view the marine life. There is an active Osprey nest on a pole just behind the shoreline mangroves. I typically see a West Indian manatee or bottlenose dolphin when I’m back there.

Look for my article to appear tomorrow in the FMB Islander.

Introducing the FMB Islander

I'm in the process of starting a new venture -- an online, independent news site specific to Fort Myers Beach. I previously worked for the Island Sand Paper when I lived here before. It has since gone out of publication, sold by it's local owners. I loved writing for them and diving into human interest stories about all the characters here on FMB. I want to do that again.

Currently, the island is served by Breeze Newspapers a media group who publishes the Beach Observer. I want to do something unique that meets today's audience where they are--online. A truly local, grassroots outlet with stories that interest the beach's residents and visitors.

There's a rebirth happening here on Fort Myers Beach and I moved back specifically to be a part of that new growth and development. Recovery from Hurricane Ian is slow, but progress is being made. That's the focus of my very first article.

Come leave a comment or become a regular visitor to FMB Islander:

https://fmbislander.wordpress.com/

Ian's Scars Slow to Heal

***PRIME***TIME*** Coach Prime, Deion Sanders

In my last post about my blog name, alma mater and fandom, I ended on a player I did not originally care for. He arrived at Florida State from Fort Myers the year after I moved to Tallahassee. As I detailed in my last post, I was not an instant fan of the university or the team. In fact, I was a little annoyed at the garnet and gold displayed everywhere and the rabidity of the fans there. I'd never lived in a college football town...let alone in the Deep South!

So this braggadocios, multi-sport athlete from South Florida makes a big splash in town and at Florida State. He almost immediately garnered national attention and a couple of shiny nicknames--"Neon Deion" and "PrimeTime." Then came the infamous "Seminole Shuffle," a spin on the Chicago Bears "SuperBowl Shuffle" a couple years prior. I liked when the Bears did it (and backed it up). The Nole version was followed by a serious ass-whoppin' by #2 Miami (well deserved, in my opinion).

Deion Sanders rapping during the infamous shuffle.

 

He went on to be a success in two professional sports, then followed it up with a TV career. For awhile, PrimeTime was everywhere. I didn't dislike him so much after I became a devotee of Florida State Football and an alum. He'd helped Bowden to forge a dynasty and put our program on the map.

Fast forward to the Willie Taggart fiasco at Florida State and the search for a new head coach. Taggart was FSU's first African-American head coach, though alum and Defensive Line Coach, Odell Hagins, had served as interim.

I REALLY, REALLY wanted my alma mater to follow-up with a second African-American head coach...and his name was now COACH PRIME!

Yes, at the time Coach Prime was untested, but before HBCU Jackson State scooped him up, I wanted FSU to make a PR splash (like we've seen at Colorado the last six months) and take a chance. Prime is a proven winner--and say what you will about his hype and swag--HE BACKS IT UP!

I'm still real sick we couldn't find the courage to hire our former star corner and NFL Hall of Famer. Instead, we settled for Mike Norvell out of Memphis, a move I'm only slowly coming around to appreciate. Still...what coulda been...

Now, naysayers were still questioning Colorado's decision late last year to make Coach Prime a Power 5 head coach. I say "BRAVO! Well done, Buffaloes!" It was a decision that paid immediate dividends. How many 1-11 programs make the kind of immediate turnaround we've seen in Boulder? THEY SOLD OUT THEIR SPRING GAME! Programs like Florida State and Alabama don't even do that! They even beat out the latter on garnering ESPN's national spotlight. They broadcast the sold-out game and I watched every minute of it.

Just like Coach Prime did at JSU, he once again is stealing some of my alma mater's top recruits for Colorado. He has 4- and 5-star recruits lining up to make visits. And all I can think, is imagine if he had the prestige and marketing of FSU behind those recruiting efforts??

He's turning lowly Colorado around right before our eyes. He did it in Jackson, Mississippi, and now he's taken the Prime train to Boulder. I can't wait to see how his team performs in the fall. I believe they become bowl eligible for the first time in a long time. We'll see, but just in marketing and sales, alone, he's already worth his weight in gold! The school has already sold out season tickets for the upcoming football season. Coach Prime merchandise sales are off the charts!

This is the buzz and excitement I wanted at FSU a few years back. Instead, we heard a big thud with the Norvell hire. Let's just say, he's no Coach Prime.

All I can say about it all is: LET'S GO BUFFS!!! #SkoBuffs

#CoachPrime #PrimeTime #DeionSanders #Coach21Prime

A Proud Florida State Seminole: A Retrospective

My Dad moved to Tallahassee in April 1986 for a new position. He would lead the Florida Credit Union League. We helped him move into a small apartment on the city's northside during my senior year spring break. The family would join him a week after my graduation in June.

When I arrived in Tallahassee that year, I knew very little of Florida State University or Bobby Bowden or the fledgling dynasty. I just knew I lived in Florida!

The University sat near the heart of downtown on the city's westside and was bounded on one side by the Florida A&M University and not too far to the west, the school I would attend, Tallahassee Community College. This was very much a college and state government town, with a large transient population. Everyone in town seemed to be a fan of FSU Football and Coach Bowden. Little did I know, at that time, that I'd become one, too, or that I'd witness the building of a dynasty in little old Tallahassee.

HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

You see, when I got there, the small campus boasted a very high school-looking football stadium with a weird name, Doak Campbell. Literally, it looked like an erector set from the outside, long before it became a brick behemoth, "the House that Bobby Built." It was really quite laughable to me.

I don't remember attending any games that first year there. One striking feature of the metallic skeletal stadium was the scoreboard and "flaming spear" that seemed to light up with crowd noise. The louder the crowd, the higher the lights on the spear would rise until reaching the flame at the top. That was pretty cool, as was all the pregame fanfare, culminating in a student in full Seminole Tribe costume, riding his Appaloosa steed to midfield and planting an ACTUAL flaming spear in the center of the warrior head logo. THAT was impressive! (It still gives me goosebumps!)

I'd post a video, but everyone is familiar with the tradition, the best in college football, I'd argue. But that first year, 1986, I hardly paid attention to college football or the Noles. I honestly didn't understand what all the hype was about. Then, the Bowden-led Noles played my Indiana Hoosiers in the All-American Bowl and beat them. I thought that was a cool coincidence. Then, I met a third-string lineman at church and we became fast friends. Thus, my interest in Florida State Football started to grow.

I remember when Burt Reynolds, the famed alum, paid for new dorms for the football players. My buddy moved in the first year, 1987, and at the end of that season, traveled with his team to Tempe, Arizona, for the Fiesta Bowl v. Nebraska. I got to stay in his new dorm room while he was away. Now, I'm becoming more enmeshed in the culture and taking notice of the team. They beat Tom Osborne's Nebraska, by the way (a pre-cursor/foreshadowing of the 1993 National Championship Game).

Fast forward to 1991 and my buddy no longer plays for the Noles, but is living in a frat house on campus. I'd followed his career and his team, but I was still a holdout. If it was "cool" to love the Seminoles, I wasn't going to be cool. I still considered myself a casual college football fan, at that point, and a Notre Dame fan. HOWEVER, when Bowden took his team to Ann Arbor and silenced a crowd of 106,000+ I was SOLD! That was the day I became a Seminole fan 100%! Right there in my buddy's frat room, watching the exciting drama unfold on national TV. AND HISTORY, as no visiting team had ever scored 50+ points on the Michigan Wolverines!!

Click HERE for a Florida State-Michigan recap.
 

THE DYNASTY

Most people agree that Bowden's dynasty began in the decade of the 1990's, leading up to his first National Championship behind Heisman QB Charlie Ward in 1993, and continuing into the Coach Jimbo Fisher years, through the 2013 National Championship behind Heisman QB Jameis Winston.

I was there for it all!

After letting down my guard fully mid-season 1991, I eventually enrolled at Florida State as a junior, working my way through college to a degree in Communication (Class of 1997). I was a part-time student for a good portion of the 1990's. I attended as many football games, for free, as I could. I was front and center for the rise of Charlie Ward and the fast-paced, shotgun offense that suited his talents best. I vividly remember the victory celebration at Doak in January 1994.

During my tenure at FSU, I worked in the Cashier's office, starting in June 1990 at the iconic Westcott Building, the entrance to campus. The university would soon begin the largest brick construction project on the planet. "The House that Bobby Built" would soon become a reality and my new workspace. I can remember moving into the first floor, in the corner facing Pensacola and Varsity Drive. I thought I worked in the coolest place in the world! I'd take my lunches out into the stadium and sit in the bleachers eating, marveling, reminiscing...

I immersed myself in college football and FSU, attending the first visit of ESPN's College Gameday in 1993, making sure to get The Pony's (Craig James) autograph for my new wife. She was enamored. :)

I took on an online persona for the ESPN chat boards (a big thing at the time): NOLESROCK

And thus a self-administered nickname was borne and I use it for the title of this blog (in case you were wondering where that came from).

My then wife scored us tickets to the 1999 National Championship Game at the Superdome in New Orleans. We watched Bowden and the Pete Warrick-led Noles beat the Gators, such sweet revenge for a regular season loss! It was our SECOND national championship and tasted just as sweet as the first!

Thus, the Bowden Dynasty would take shape right before my adoring eyes. By the end of the decade, I was an alum of the best university in Florida.

Some of my best memories are attending football and basketball games with my roommates--the former player I mentioned earlier and a goofball named Shawn!

There was a player in the late 80's, who at the time I didn't care for. His nickname was PRIME TIME. In the next blog post, I'll talk more about him and where he is now. I'm a great admirer these days!

HISTORIC TORNADO OUTBREAK: A bit too close to home!

 

CBS Morning News - 1 Apr 2023

WTHR-Indianapolis, 1 Apr 2023

The National and Local news this morning led off with the deaths in Sullivan County, Indiana, currently at three, confirmed. This was the result of a historic tornado outbreak across the Midwest and Mid-South (Memphis to Nashville).

I watched the events unfold live through YouTube, donning my "virtual storm chaser" cap. The tornado that did damage in Sullivan, the birthplace of my father and most of his siblings, began as a supercell in Effingham County, Illinois, some 60-plus miles west. Storm Chaser Brad Arnold, took note of this rogue supercell near Salem, IL, southwest of Effingham, that stayed just ahead of the main line of storms. Unfortunately, those storms didn't catch up and overtake this supercell until it had travelled more than 200 miles across two states. I think when the reconnaissance is done by the National Weather Service, they'll conclude that a tornado was on the ground before Robinson (in Crawford Co, IL) until it crossed I-65 south of Greenwood, near Whiteland (Johnson Co, IN). I watched the tornado warnings hop the Wabash River from Crawford County over to Sullivan County and every subsequent county northeast of there, until even southeastern Marion County (Indianapolis) was in the warned area. Tornado Sirens went off and everything!

The confirmed damage to Whiteland, IN, is about 20 miles from my sister's house where I am staying. That's why I was keeping close tabs on this storm as it approached. Thankfully, the straight-line storms, that clocked 70-mph gusts at Indianapolis International Airport, caught up to this supercell, as I said, and the threat to us was over. Eyewitness videos of overturned semi's on I-65 north approaching Indianapolis and damage to buildings in Whiteland were all over the local news this morning at daybreak (see WTHR video, above). A little too close for comfort, I'd say!

When all was said and done on 31 Mar 2023, a historic weather day, there were more than 40 tornadoes confirmed and many small towns (and even part of Little Rock) were laid waste. The images that will continue to come to the forefront today will be breathtaking, no doubt.

I am thankful for YouTubers, like Ryan Hall, who had me glued to his live stream for over 10 HOURS! His channel featured live streams from dozens of storm chasers, including Mr. Arnold (linked above) who followed the storm into Sullivan and did prelim damage assessments. Since my family still has interests in Sullivan County, I was very thankful. But Hall's coverage from the initial outbreak, midafternoon in Iowa and Arkansas, until he signed off around 1 a.m. this morning, was essential to me tracking these dangerous storms. If you don't follow his channel, I highly recommend it. He's @RyanHallYall on both YouTube and Twitter. His Twitter feed had eyewitness tornado videos (close-up) and lots of photos of storm damage yesterday.

Drone Video of Sullivan, IN, this morning

I wish the deaths in Wynne (AR) and Sullivan could have been avoided, but these were deadly storms, no way around it. Unfortunately, the tornado hit Sullivan around 11 p.m. when people had gone to bed, and like I said, this was a rogue supercell they probably didn't see coming. My thoughts and prayers to the people affected across the Midwest and Mid-South, from Little Rock to Whiteland.

I hope we never see a super outbreak like that again soon. I'm told it's been 11 years since conditions were that perfect for a massive supercell outbreak like we witnessed 31 Mar 2023, a day that will be remembered far and wide.

HURRICANE IAN: 6 Months Ago Today

It was 6 months ago today that my ISLAND HOME was decimated by Hurricane Ian. I watched all the coverage I could the morning of September 28th as the monster storm blew ashore. It started with young adults playing in the roaring surf under the Fort Myers Beach Pier around 11. By the time the water receded later that day, the pier was GONE! So too was the beach plaza known as Times Square...and much of the rest of the 7-mile barrier island.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/hurricane-ian-relief-6month-post-disaster

The videos of the immediate aftermath were both shocking and horrifying. Homes that were 10-feet off the ground were ripped from their pilings. Long-loved beach establishments were wiped from their foundations, like Junkanoo and The Beach Pub. My "family" ran the Beach Baptist Church (blue roof, above). It, too, sat well above the ground, but the facade was ripped away and storm surge ravaged the entire property, coming right up to the front door of their elevated residence. Thank God they all survived!
https://www.gofundme.com/f/hurricane-ian-relief-6month-post-disaster

Sections of the island were unrecognizable. Media outlets around the world kept zooming in on Red Coconut RV park and the massive pile of debris that were once people's retirement homes or beach getaways. That image, alone was shocking enough, but the storm surge, as it rose above 8-foot live stream cameras, just carried away everything in it's path. I watched the beach Hooters go floating down Estero Blvd before falling apart. Not two blocks from where I once lived, beachside cottages were picked up and slammed against homes on the other side of the street (photos above). Whole blocks were wiped clean to the grayish sand. It was unbelievable devastation.

I'm starting a GoFundMe Campaign to help in this time, six months post-storm, when nobody is paying attention to Fort Myers Beach. Funds will go directly to help those in need. I'll be working hand-in-hand with my family at Beach Baptist, where we used to run a food pantry every other week, the only one on the island. They know where the greatest need is and your donations will help target that need. I will personally be delivering the funds raised here to the island community.

Thank you so much for every dollar or penny you can spare! #FMBStrong

Two different worlds

On their Agent Provocateur album, Foreigner sang "Two Different Worlds," and that song just came back to me as I was about to start this blog post. In America, we certainly have two different worlds. In 1984, Lou Gramm sang, "One that belongs to me, one could be wrong for me," and that couldn't ring any truer than today.

On the one hand, you have California who formed a task force to tackle the question of reparations. That topic is being debated by their state legislature right now!

On the other, you have a state like Alabama still trying to hide it's most egregious sins of the past (see "Descendant" on Netflix). Or a state like Florida, where Gov. Ron DumbSantis (aka DeathSantis) is trying to kill "critical race theory," because whites down South don't like to be reminded or shamed about their awful past (or their current racism).

It's two different worlds in America, one where it's okay to say "Black Lives Matter," and others where one can only say "All Lives Matter" or face the consequences of being "WOKE!" (i.e. aware of systemic racism in this country).

It's two different worlds, one where we embrace the sins of our forefathers and one where we white wash American history and create Roman gods out of them.

I've written before about White Angst, and I still believe that's at the heart of this dichotomy. White folks just can't deal with the truth of their privilege in society. They can't understand why their WASP-y way of life, their corrupt religion or their social structures are under attack. Because they are part of the systemic racism that grew out of Manifest Destiny.

Half of this country needs to get a grip. Come to terms with what your ancestors did to African-Americans and walk a half-mile in their shoes.

It's called "being woke" for a reason. Some of you have been asleep TOO LONG!

33 YEARS AGO TODAY...

...the world lost a great woman, my maternal grandmother, Kathryn "Kate" Dunning/Larson/Wright...

One of my most favorite blog posts ever is the one I wrote about her 15 Jul 2010 (link in caption):

Pancakes & Smoky Links

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1989 when I was starting out on my own in Florida. I was so disappointed I couldn't come home for the annual Dunning reunion that October, or to see her while she was sick. It would've been bad to see her in the condition she was, so skinny, a wig and just not the robust woman she'd always been.

But happier memories, like my blog post, are of her making one of her signature pies or cobblers (apple or blackberry) with a tub of Emge Lard and the extra crust she would bake on an upside down pie plate sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar for us kids (I forget what she called it).

She'd also make a vinegar slaw with few ingredients--cabbage and green peppers, the vegetables I remember--and she'd salt the heart of the cabbage for us to share. I remember having that sweet and salty summer slaw with fried chicken and biscuits during summer visits to Princeton.

But beyond the great food she prepared for us, the most important memory--her legacy--is the love she showed to her grandchildren. Grandma Wright was one of my biggest fans, always quick with a word of encouragement. I am sure that my loud drumming would hurt her ears and be a great annoyance during the middle of the day, into the evening, but she'd praise me for figuring it out by ear and playing with such gusto...I mean, not in so many words, I'm paraphrasing. Midwesterners raised on farms were not usually verbose, at least not in their praise, but she encouraged nonetheless!

Everyone of her grandkids will tell you how she made them feel loved and appreciated. The food was just an awesome, added bonus!

So today, on this sad anniversary, I remember you with love and fondness, Grandma...rest in peace.

The Remarkable Story of the McClure Brothers (Civil War/Gibson County History)

You can read part of the story in the news article, below, published on page 4 of the 1 Sep 1911 Evansville Journal newspaper. It tells of the annual reunion of the 17th Indiana Infantry Regiment, Company H, assembled in Gibson County, Indiana, during the Civil War.

Not mentioned was a fifth McClure brother, Alex, who died four years earlier. He also served in this company of Gibson County men. David, mentioned above, was their brother who served in a different Indiana company and regiment during the war.

Now, the McClure brothers were sons of Catherine Devin-McClure (1812-1888), who was Rev. Alexander Devin's daughter. The Devin family pioneered Gibson County and Princeton, Indiana. Catherine's brothers ran a mercantile business on the square in Princeton and the building on the Northwest Corner of the Public Square is the Devin Block, built by them in the 1800's. They were well known for selling loads of pork and produce at the Port of New Orleans, floating their merchandise by flatboat down the rivers. In fact, the name Joseph Devin was popular among the residents of that town, I have a second cousin named after him, Joseph Devin Hussey (1859-1951).

So FIVE of Catherine's sons went off to war in 1861 as part of the Union Army...and ALL OF THEM came home in one piece! That is quite remarkable! And their regiment (Indiana's 17th) was active in famous battles at Chickamauga and the Siege of Atlanta. You can easily fact check me on that.

Here are the brothers names and dates, in order, all but one of them died in Indiana:

ALEXANDER DEVIN MCCLURE, 22 Dec 1837 - 6 Mar 1907
JAMES M. MCCLURE, MD, 20 Jan 1841 - 14 Mar 1913 (He attended medical college in Chicago after the war, then set up his practice in St. Louis, practicing general medicine)
JOSEPH DAVID MCCLURE, 9 Jul 1844 - 6 Jan 1919
ROBERT MOFFIT MCCLURE, 16 Sep 1846 - 26 Dec 1926 (Died in Kansas)
WILLIAM GRADY MCCLURE, 29 Mar 1848 - 29 Feb 1920

Interesting to note, that the three youngest brothers were only teenagers when the war broke out, William, the youngest was but 13 years of age.

Dr. James M. McClure, got sick and took the train home from St. Louis, to his youngest brother's house South of Princeton. He died in 1913 at Prentice McClure's residence, a year and one half after the reunion described in the article, above. Here's an excerpt from the medical journal where news of his passing was relayed to his colleagues at the time (note, the date 16 Mar 1913 is the day his obituary ran in the Evansville newspaper).

Retrospective 2022

The year after my mom died really sucked. I wasn't ready to experience grief like that. I wrote that December just how awful it was. This is the end of the year after my father's death. The grieving process has been totally different. In 2016, the year actually ended on an up note as I landed a job I liked, a gig with a local band I admired and started a relationship late in the year. I can't say the same for 2022. It pretty much sucked all the way through.

LOSING BOTH PARENTS
I'm 54 years old now. I was 53 when Dad died last year and 47 when Mom died in 2015. You'd think a man that age would deal with the loss with a bit of dignity, grace and maturity. But you're never really ready to become an orphan. I think that still strikes you, or surprises you, no matter your age. I've talked to other adults who've lost their parents recently, and have heard similar sentiments from them. It's like losing your sense of belonging, of family.

In my case, that was exacerbated last year by the bad behavior of some bad actors, namely two of my siblings, their spouses and offspring. I had to cut these toxic family members from my life. So, in effect, I really DID lose my family. And that was a slow process that really started in 2015 after Mom's death. We all began to realize, even Dad, that she was effectively the "glue holding this family together." Many of us said it exactly that way, thus the quotes. In the aftermath of her death, we drifted and the fabric that held us all together began unravelling. 

It's not that we loved our father any less, at least my baby sister and I didn't, but he's still not Mom...the glue.

So when I talk about feelings of orphanhood, that really goes to the heart of it. I lost pretty much all sense of family. I'd already drifted apart from Dad's family and Mom's is slowly dying. We lost her brother, my Uncle Gary Larson, earlier this year. A couple of months later, we lost my Great Aunt Ruth Dunning, who was the last member of my grandmother's generation to go. The additional losses this year did not help.

My hope was to turn the tragedy of last year into some sort of renewal for me. I got sidetracked. Instead of using my meager inheritance to start over and move in a positive direction, I got stuck. I blew through the inheritance and ended up staying for months at my sister's house in Indiana. I wanted to be just about anywhere else (not because of her, read on).

LOSING HOME
I've always been a proud Hoosier, proud of my heritage and proud to call Indiana my home state. That has waned over time. Though I've dug into my pioneer roots for a couple of decades, that sense of pride I once felt about being a bona fide Hoosier, like since the time of when that queer nickname was coined, has faded. This is tied in with losing my sense of belonging and of family.

For more than 200 years, my family has called Indiana home. Mom's ancestors were pioneers of Gibson County, one of Indiana's original counties since 1814. Dad's roots go deep in Vincennes, the once Territorial Capital and home to U.S. President William Henry Harrison. We have ties to George Rogers Clark and distant cousins who served his brother in the Corps of Discovery (i.e. Lewis & Clark Expedition). All these connections to the pioneer past gave me a deep sense of belonging to this Midwest frontier.

But now that my family is splintering and fading away, Indiana no longer has the feel of "home." My soul has been longing for my beach...the one devastated this year by Hurricane Ian (Sept. 28th).

The adage says "home is where the heart is." My heart was broken back in September, but Fort Myers Beach (FMB) is still my heartbeat.

If my adopted family there will have me back, I'm coming in 2023.

But all that loss--the loss of life, of family, of home--has made this possibly the worst year of my life. The feeling of being stuck in a place that no longer serves as home, hasn't helped. It only exacerbated my feeling of isolation, loss and uncertainty.

Some of my choices were not made in the best headspace. I was still grieving my father (and my mother, for that matter). I was grieving the loss of family. I was grieving the loss of "home" when the water swept away most of my second home, FMB.

Tragedy and loss has certainly marked (and marred) 2022, as a whole. There are no words that can express the depth of grief or levels of despair, anguish and personal turmoil. This year has definitely tested my patience, my resolve and my personal growth. My mental health has hung in the balance at many times...and I've wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.

This is me being raw and vulnerable...maybe in a way I'm not all that much on this blog.

I don't hold a massive amount of hope for 2023, but as they say, "it has to get better." Right?

Mindful Post

Woke up from a vivid dream near 5 a.m. where I was helping others, being a connector and living my best life. It felt really good. It got me reflecting, being spiritual/philosophical, and as I often do after I journal about it, I write a blog post. This is that...

This is still true about my "sphere of control." It's why I still journal daily and try to self-affirm when I can, when I'm being mindful enough (i.e. present). I do have moments of enlightenment when I'm truly self-affirming and positive, like here. I wrote again in 2019 about "The Illusion of Control." But I awoke this morning with another "moment of enlightenment," after a dream where I was living my best life, serving others and being a connector. It led me to consider the Law of Attraction and how there has been evidence in my own life. I may not control what happens to me or the outcomes of my action (or how my love is received), but I can make a conscious effort to put the love, the good, out there. I do believe it makes a difference. It may not always loop back to me (the Karmic effect) immediately, but I do believe in radiating/vibrating/resonating at that higher frequency of being.

I wrote in Feb 2017, "Who I Am," but I was still learning and evolving. This is a process, by the way, that never ends. We are constantly evolving...well some of us, anyway. I call it the "I AM energy," my god-likeness, not in a conceited, "I AM GOD" kind of way...that's just where I came from. Call it Source, if you like. And if that is the beginning of me (and consciousness) then it has never stopped. I've only become more aware of it. In my Christian days, it seemed blasphemous to claim "I AM," like YHWH of the Old Testament (and Judaism). But it's no different than labeling yourself, "Christ like." I'm just claiming the source of my existence. I AM the product of I AM energy, of Source, if you will. That same energy propels us through the cosmos. I'm not claiming to be "god," I just have that as the source to my deep well of being. I AM because I have always been--one with consciousness/Source/God/The Universe. We are one, as Jesus claimed in The Bible. I didn't realize all this back in 2017. I began understanding a little more in 2020, as I blogged here in August that year, while at Dad's.

This last year has been another tough one. I am unsettled. I have no home, per se. I am a child of the Universe, a wanderer, a doer of good. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm still envisioning life on the Gulf coast, most likely Fort Myers Beach.

But I can't spend too much time looking forward. Life still requires my presence.

I guess I just woke up this morning being a little more mindful and introspective after a vivid dream I had. My girls are spending this holiday season in Italy. Currently, they are in Venice where they will celebrate Christmas.

I'm not much into the holidays anymore and I'm not in a celebratory mood. Today being Christmas Eve is really just another day. But I did wake up feeling more hopeful, more peaceful, more at one with myself (and my "I AM energy"). For now, that'll do. :) Namaste.

Perspective, Ego and Growth

In this ever expanding Universe, we are not even a grain of sand or a blip on the cosmic radar. We are truly insignificant in the galactic view of our reality...if we can call reality, reality. Isn't it just our perception of it? Are we but a dream on the tip of consciousness?

PERSPECTIVE
I think that is one thing which comes with age. And with it, comes some humility. That reminds me of a post by the Power of Positivity's Instagram Account:

I hope that's where I was going with my STILL GROWING AT 54 post. Life does have a way of bringing you back to humility. When your ego gets away with you, something inevitably happens to bring perspective back to you.

At my age, I still have things to learn and time to grow. But I'm definitely on the downhill slope on the backside of my life. Again, perspective.

I know that I'm not destined to live forever. Age is already showing in my joints, my libido, my energy levels. That's not to say that I'm done...just dying. I mean, we are all destined to become dust and rejoin the cosmos from whence we came.

The life hack is making the most of this finite journey -- enjoying the short time we exist in these mortal vessels.

I have to remind myself all the time to be present. "Quit looking back and looking forward all the time," I tell myself. The present moment is the only "reality" we have. Everything else merely lives in our mind, whether past or future.

Here's another meme I found recently that I really like:

If we're constantly in a state of looking back, living our past life over and over, how do we attain growth? There's no reason to stay in the past. We are evolving creatures. Evolution has been happening for eons. "None of us are the same as we were yesterday."

It takes intention to stay present, to be in the now. Like most, I struggle to control the random thoughts that pop in and out of my head. Eckhart Tolle refers to this as the unconscious mind. It distracts us. It goes to our ego, that sense of self that is the "sum total of our experiences." But we're not bound by our ego or the unconscious mind. 

I'm trying to go with consciousness. I want to be intentional. I desire continued growth.

Part of that growth is releasing others from their past sins. I can't hold others in the past, either. I must allow them room to grow and change. They deserve the same grace I give myself. But vulnerability is hard. Letting go of the hurt and moving past it requires the same intention as presence. It also requires the loosening of ego's control. "But they did that to ME!" Really, was your ego so bruised that you cannot forgive and let go? You've done the same to others and you expect to be forgiven. Live and let live, I guess is what I'm going for.

Ok, enough rambling for today. This was as much written for myself as anyone else.

We are all stardust...and to the cosmos we will return.

Suicide is NO JOKE

SUICIDE IS NO JOKE.

Our history, collectively, with mental illness is not good. We've forever made it the butt of jokes, quickly labeled those struggling as "crazy," and made light of a deeply serious issue plaguing our species.

My own history has not been good. I've learned that mental illness runs in my mother's line. Her Larson grandfather committed suicide by handgun. She and her brothers struggled/struggle, mostly undiagnosed with some form of anxiety and depression. I see it in me and my siblings.

But even in my own life, in my own family, "crazy people" have been the butt of jokes, not the source of introspection and acknowledgement. And that lack of taking it serious, hasn't served us well. ANY of us!

December 10, 2000, is a day of infamy in my personal timeline.

I left work that day so desperate to escape my reality that I drove to the woods and attempted to end my life by asphyxiation/carbon monoxide poisoning. I saw a Ford Ranger XLT the other day, about the same year as the truck I drove into the woods that day. It triggered an immediate flashback.

Tomorrow marks 22 years.

I'm much older and wiser today. I have two gorgeous, intelligent daughters who've now attained adulthood. They've brought unquantifiable joy and meaning to my life. I adopted the oldest a year, almost to the day, after my suicide attempt. How my life drastically changed in that one trip around the sun!!!

That doesn't mean I don't struggle. It's been a slow process of healing, of rebuilding my confidence in who I am and learning to love myself. I'm not done.

There is a new number to dial if you're in crisis.

988

Suicide and depression are no laughing matters. You're not crazy. There are people in this world who understand and truly care.

I'm one of those people.

Still Growing at 54

There have only been two other posts this month. It's been a month of soul searching.

When I wrote my Hell 2.0 post in early October, I was in a dark place. I was resisting what was, ignoring the signs in front of me. "Don't go back to Fort Myers Beach," they seemed to be telling me. That's what my sister said and I just thought she didn't want me to go back without her. But for right now, there's nothing to go back to.

I knew I wasn't ready to leave the country. Belize could wait.

There's been something afoot in my spirit; something holding me at bay. It's a familiar feeling I began to have about this time last year.

At that time, I was certain my future was in Colorado. I possibly had housing awaiting me there. My daughters are there. A woman I'd been pining for was there. But I didn't leave. An old flame was rekindled. I stayed to see where that was going. As I wrote, from a dark place, still shut off from love, still bitter and angry, "Then, in a state of unwellness, I did the opposite and stayed in Indiana, rekindling what I believed to be an old flame," (Hell 2.0 post). That statement ended on a really vindictive note and I said something I now regret. It was hurtful and I was called out on it recently. I repented.

Two and a half months ago, I was ready to leave Indiana. Certain my immediate future included the beach and my friends there, I was thrown a curveball when Hurricane Ian made landfall on Sept. 28th. My plans put on hold again, like last year. But at the time, I couldn't even conceive that the "old flame," could possibly be the reason. There could potentially be unfinished business there.

REALLY?!?!

I thought I'd shut that chapter of my life for good.

Recently, a cousin in Evansville was describing a family member who shuts the door on those who hurt him and like a cup being drained of water, that person was done with whomever did the hurting. I seem to do the same thing--shut down and shut out. Just like pouring water from a cup, as my cousin put it, there's no water left. I thought there was no refilling it...ever.

That's a shitty way to live.

Where's the room for grace and mercy and forgiveness? What about "do unto others?"

Watching my baby sister grow and change, I realized there was still hope for this stubborn, curmudgeony, old man! Where I saw a weakness in my sister, giving those close to her MULTIPLE chances, I saw the opposite in myself. I reckoned I was stronger, more resolute with deeper conviction. I saw it as my strength. That was convoluted. I was stubborn, angry and hell-bent on holding the hostility, the grudge against those who hurt me.

Fate saw to it that I stayed put long enough to learn a valuable lesson.

And as life always does, it brought me back to humility.

See? Old dogs CAN still learn new tricks!

But I wanted to publicly apologize for what I said in my hurt back in October. I want to make right the wrong and be a better, more humble person.

I want to remain open to love, to be pliable, teachable and humble. Still growing...at 54.

Divine Feminine Energy

I was watching an Eckhart Tolle video where he was reading from the Tao Te Ching. In the excerpt he read, "Master" was a feminine energy which I translated to be "an enlightened one" or Enlightenment, itself.

It reminded me that in Judeo-Christian Scripture that "Wisdom," as a persona is often a female. So I began to wonder if this was a theme carried throughout spiritual thought.

My research was nowhere near exhaustive, not by any stretch, but I did find common themes.

Take the Indigenous People. They perpetuated the idea of "Mother Earth." And this divine feminine energy is also found in Paganism and other nature-centric religions. It's definitely inherent to Hinduism--Tridevi, or three goddesses, is a term used to describe the three main female deities. Then, there are the goddesses of ancient mythologies. Again, I'm not compiling an exhaustive list, just providing some wide-ranging examples of feminine divinity.

Anyone familiar with this blog, knows that I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian home, rooted in Catholicism and later becoming Protestant.

The idea of feminine divinity was NOT celebrated in my home. In fact, the "worship of Mary" was one of my father's main criticisms of Catholicism. He was raised in that Church.

These are ideas I've begun considering and even embracing in the latter half of my life. It's no coincidence that humans on this planet owe their life to their mothers who incubated and delivered them. So why is it such a stretch for many Christians (dare I say MOST), to embrace the idea of a feminine deity?

I don't hold those chauvinistic ideals anymore.

I clearly see the dominance and utter devastation the patriarchy has wrought on society, and particularly in Western philosophy and religion.

It's evident in our politics and policies in America. It shouldn't rule our religion, as well.

It appears to me that the divine feminine energy has always been present, I just hadn't realized it. I knew the Biblical Proverbs that spoke of Wisdom as "she," but the Pauline Epistles make it real clear that women should not have a voice in churches.

It's well past time that we shake off the bonds of patriarchal religion and societal norms and embrace the divine feminine energy. It's a thing of wonderment and beauty.

I haven't waxed spiritual in awhile, so I felt this post was needed. Thanks for stopping by and entertaining my ramblings.