Nice to know you

It's not like I needed vindication...or even the affirmation, but it was nice.

A highlight of Dad's 10/17/21 Memorial Service at Cicero Christian Church was my sister Heidi's tribute. She'd been close with Dad and really made an investment in their relationship over his last three years with us. What she shared was Dad's heart. What she did was touch mine. She had gotten Dad talking not long ago about what he admired most about each of his children. That's what she shared with each of us on Sunday.

She said, "Chris, what Dad loved most about you is your fire, passion and your love for your girls." You know, it's hard for me to type that without tearing up. He saw me. He knew me.

Those kinds of compliments didn't come easy for Dad, especially not for his eldest son. We were too much alike in a lot of ways, most of all, hard-headed and opinionated. To say we butted heads a few times would be putting it mildly. Our last big fight was in late September of last year while I was staying with him. He'd misread some situations, listened to some naysayers and criticized my role in my daughters' lives. I had no idea why he was attacking the one area where I am MOST proud--my fatherhood.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a great dad. My ex-wife told me that all the time. My siblings (well, all of them not so long ago) thought the same. People who know me or see my relationship with my beautiful girls tell me the same. It's pretty apparent. I'm not bragging, it's just the God's honest truth.

I chose my children. They are adopted. I tell them all the time that I won the "dad lottery," because I got two of the best--freaking amazing girls (women, now) who are intelligent, funny, opinionated, strong, passionate...I have a very long list of attributes, but I won't belabor the point. You get that I'm pretty much their biggest fan and I couldn't be prouder of them.

Until that moment last year, I thought Dad was really proud of the job I'd done raising them. He came back around.

Dad wasn't one to apologize often. You knew that he felt remorse and he showed it in his actions. It was just hard for him to verbalize. And he was hard-headed, like me...stubborn as a mule, really. But in some of his conversations with Heidi, he did express his remorse. When he told her that my job as a Dad was well-done and a source of pride, that made everything right.

I wasn't privy to that conversation, though, until Heidi shared what she said (above) at his memorial service. It caused me to break and I had to quickly regather myself. We were midway through the service.

I learned a lot from my dad and I blogged about it two Saturday's ago. 

It was nice to know that he really did know me. I am passionate, like he and Mom. I do have a lot of fire in me--for my kids, for just causes, like equality and for doing good. Those are qualities they taught me by living them in the open for 66 and 72 years, respectively. It was also nice to hear that he verbalized his admiration to my sister. It was affirming and uplifting.

Thanks, Dad. You're already missed.