Second Chances and Trusting the Process

It was unbelievable the way I made it back to Fort Myers Beach in May 2023. I woke up in my favorite place on Earth June 1st last year.

The first time any doubts arose about moving back here came a few months in, maybe 2.5. It was on a hot, summer night, AC barely able to cope, my mind doing too much thinking, that I began to question my future here. I put on a Reiki video and the one leading the YouTube meditation and Reiki session said, “Trust the process.” It was as if she was speaking right into my soul in that moment.

So I let go of worry and doubt and decided to TRUST the Universe. It had gotten me back here after a couple of really tough years.

It was the end of September when I learned, during Revive The Vibe, a one-year Hurricane Ian commemorative event, that my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago was again single. A couple months later, I learned through another mutual friend that she was living on the beach…the beach we fell in love with.

I blogged in the first two months of our life together in Bonita Springs that I felt like I’d been given Three Chances at Life. It was 2013 and Lynn Farber had caught me completely by surprise and swept me off my feet. But when our relationship stalled and I moved away from our Mango Street rental on FMB, I had no hope of ever seeing her or speaking to her again. She refused to see me in April 2014 when I came back to the beach for my things. And once back on our seven mile stretch of beach last year, she made it her mission to avoid me.

That all changed three weeks ago.

And when the Universe gave us a second chance at love and reconnection, we jumped in with our entire person! “Trust the process,” I was told last summer. I did. I also followed my gut instinct and waited for her to reach out. That first text came three weeks ago, yesterday.

We are both incredibly lucky and grateful to be handed this priceless gift. We don’t take it lightly. We have both committed to giving this relationship our all! I am ALL IN, as is she.

I have my person back!

Many people never find their person. Even fewer get more than one chance to make it work. We squandered our first chance. We’ve learned and grown. We have decided to trust again and make this leap together. Where the Universe takes us is anybody’s guess. I remain open to possibility, all options on the table, no holding anything back this time.

Splintering of the Ex-Scientologist Community

I knew so little about the Cult of Scientology before this show aired on A&E. I was riveted. Already a fan of Leah Remini from her time on "King of Queens" with Kevin James, I became a fan of this docu-series exposing the abuses of this destructive cult. It was enlightening and frightening at the same time.

Fast forward a few years, and about the time that I really start digging into YouTube, making it my primary form of entertainment (ditching cable almost exclusively), the Danny Masterson case heats up and he's about to go on trial. I watched everything Tony Ortega put out. Then I found Aaron Smith-Levin's popular channel, called "Growing Up in Scientology."

It quickly became, and still is, one of my favorite channels on YouTube. ASL is quite entertaining and opinionated. He speaks his mind and often gives the caveat, "But what do I know? I grew up in a cult!" LOL! The first bit of drama about the Masterson case arose when he attacked Tony Ortega for profiting off the stories of ex-Scientologists, many of them victims of childhood trauma and abuse (of all kinds). They do not like each other.

ASL was a board member, and co-founder, of The Aftermath Foundation, which became a household name thanks to Remini's docu-series. They do great work advocating for victims of Scientology and helping them break free of it's seductive hold. Those within the community of ex-Scientology were labeled as "suppressive persons" by the cult (COS). They proudly wear the label and even call their YouTuber community, SPTV, for Suppressive Persons Television, complete with a retro, MTV-esque, logo.

During the Masterson trial, ASL found himself entangled in a romantic fling with a California woman who alleged abuse. He gave his side of the story on his channel months after the fact. He counters her claim and alleges she was the abuser, not him. This caused a great rift within the SPTV community.

"DRAMA!"

And next we know, the board of The Aftermath Foundation is demanding ASL's resignation, the charge led by Mike Rinder, who everyone knows from Remini's show on A&E. Rinder, a once ranking member of COS, who is now speaking out on their mob-like practices from his own personal experience, co-hosted the show. He was apparently not a fan of ASL nor his over-the-top persona and YouTube channel. Rinder gave the foundation board an ultimatum, either "he goes or I go," speaking about ASL.

The SPTV camp began to splinter, catching Remini in the middle. Rinder and the Headley's (Claire is foundation president) in one camp, ASL and his associates in the other. ASL has publicly criticized Rinder, the Headley's and the foundation, which he co-founded. He has also stated his intent to start a new, rival foundation.

What began as a noble crusade to help victims, many of them suffering PTSD from child sexual abuse inside the cult, is now a made-for-YouTube soap opera. It's sad, really.

At the heart of it is oversized egos.

Well, now, Rinder has criticized one of those victims who appeared on "Scientology and the Aftermath." He's come under fire from the ASL camp in SPTV land. He's once again showing his arrogance and complete disregard for the community. It has splintered the group beyond recognition or any hope of reconciliation.

They dropped the ball, lost sight of their primary mission. What was once a shared mission of helping abuse victims and combatting the years of gaslighting by COS, has now devolved into a daytime drama online.

Shame on you people!

Lose the egos, get back on track and quit making all these HOUR-PLUS, self-serving, clickbait videos. It's become tiresome...exhausting really!

Caring too much and carrying the weight

I had someone close to me last year tell me they are jealous of my "gypsy lifestyle." I found that characterization quite interesting and not all that far off. But here's the thing...it seems to denote a carefree lifestyle. I'm neither carefree or careless. Quite the contrary, I care TOO MUCH at times.

More recently, a newfound friend and confidante told me that I am effected by other people's energies and so I must be careful. I am careful, especially in avoiding negative energy from others. If it gets too much, I simply walk away.

But her words were true and impactful. Because I care so much (not saying I'm a total empath, but I certainly don't lack empathy), I do tend to absorb people's energy. I want to get down in the dirt with them and feel the sensation of the damp Earth. Embracing someone with the same dirt as you under their fingernails is much more impactful than someone filled with sympathy or pity. Really understanding what another is going through is monumental in fostering and maintaining strong connections.

I might live like a gypsy, but I really do care...not so much what other people think, but what they are going through in their own lives. Being empathetic and absorbing that energy is like helping to carry a heavy load. But you do that for a few close friends and the weight can become too much, unbearable even. You've heard the expression, "Carrying the weight of the world." Well, I believe that's where it came from...an empath who cared too much, absorbed too much and didn't know when to set healthy boundaries.

I said that I'll walk away from someone vibrating on a lower frequency. I don't want to absorb their negative energy. So I have learned to set boundaries. Still, I find myself taking on too much and forgetting about self-care, at times.

My new friend who seems to get me on a cellular level warned me about doing this recently. She is a great friend who I greatly admire and respect.

If you don't surround yourself with people of similar energies and frequency as you, you'll succumb to the level of the company you keep. The weight of their negativity, or just the circumstance they find themselves in, can bring you down. Be healthy. Set boundaries and stick to them.

I think I'll keep my gypsy lifestyle a bit longer. It's not as carefree as it seems, but it suits me.