Parenthood's a pleasure, but parenting's tough

If life were easy, I’d have fewer wrinkles, less gray and constant cravings for comfort food would wane. As it is, I’m overweight and graying with new worry lines appearing daily…and my kids haven’t even hit tweener status, yet!

Parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever tackled. It comes with no standard operating procedure manual and yet numerous, new challenges arise everyday. It is a constant high-wire balancing act. I find myself having to be firm, but flexible; reflexive, yet relaxed; the teacher, yet teachable; an able provider, yet always present. I have to draw secure boundaries while trying to encourage independence. And give tough answers softened by tenderness.

Because I was raised by baby-boomer parents whose childhood boundaries were more restrictive, I look for ways to expand boundaries a safe distance for my children. But it is hard to escape the patterns you learn growing up, and it is merely human to react in anger when those boundaries are pushed and tested. To discipline in love and have maximum effect; to find ways to redirect their energy and alter behavior is the most difficult part of the whole job.

I find that I am least effective when I am on a schedule. If I put myself first and the things I want to accomplish in a given moment, then I am less flexible, relaxed and understanding. My patience flies right out the window with the first misstep of my children in those moments. And with one angry word, a glare, a grumble under my breath, I feel as if I’ve undone a multitude of good. Instead of fostering confidence and promoting peace, I sometimes find myself shattering both with a single act and it happens before I even realize I'm doing it. It is worst with my youngest. I guess I’m spoiled now that my children are getting old enough to do things for themselves and assert more of their independence. When my 5-year-old falters, I often lose patience with her quicker than I did even one year ago and it bothers me.

At the heart of the issue, I find that I’m rather selfish. I have very high expectations for my children and a rather short fuse. That is another part of the great balancing act—juggling my desires and theirs, judging which wants I will afford them each day. In the hurriedness of life, I often become a miserly old curmudgeon and bypass perfect opportunities to show them how highly I value them. I want to become more liberal with my praise and learn to bite my tongue when curses want to tumble out instead.

Last night as I was trying to put my thoughts to bed and get some rest, I said a quiet prayer. I asked God for more patience and to help me bring more balance to this position. I know that I have a great job. And while it is the toughest challenge I have and will ever face, I can surely say it is the most pleasurable and rewarding.

My Top 5 Modern Drummers

Inspired by the "Pick Your Top 5" craze on Facebook, I decided to create a list of my own without adding the FB application. I limited myself to my favorite modern drummers, four of which have heavily influenced my own drumming style. So here goes...

DAVE WECKL
"Maestro of magnificence!" That pretty much encapsulates my feelings of this hall of fame jazz drummer. I first heard Dave Weckl in the late 80's while searching the FSU Library for recordings of Will Lee, bassist for Dave Letterman's band. Both Lee and Weckl were session musicians for Chuck Loeb's debut album Magic Fingers released in 1989. I was blown away by his rhythmic prowess, the speed and flurry of his drum fills and how he totally stole the show on this cd. I became an instant fan and began listening to everything I could that featured his percussive talents, recordings by Chick Corea, GRP All-Stars and his solo work.

I had to break down and purchase one of his instructional videos, titled "Back to Basics." It was the best video purchase I've EVER made! Nevermind the excellent instruction in stick and foot control, the drum solos are mindbending and worth every dime I spent!

Weckl is as fast as any death metal drummer, as fluid as the best R&B stickmen and as bold as any drummer I've witnessed. He was influenced by some of jazz's best ever, Buddy Rich tops among those, and it shows. I consider Dave Weckl the best modern jazz drummer in the world, and apparently I'm not alone. Modern Drummer magazine has named Weckl one of their Top 25 of all time.


NEIL PEART
Not too many fans of rock music would argue if I proclaimed Neil Peart best rock drummer of all time. Maybe you could make a case for John Bonham or some of the other drummers on this list, but even they haven't laid some of their exquisite percussive skills on vinyl like Jedi master Peart!

My uncle played Rush's "2112 Overature" and "Temples of Syrinx" for me in his basement back in the mid-70's. I thought it was the most groundbreaking, hard rock I'd ever heard, not to mention Peart's over-the-top drum fills. I would go on to explore all of Rush's discography, both Peart and Rutsy versions, before naming them my favorite all-time rock band. Neil Peart is the primary reason for that.

Never has a rock drummer had such an influence on his band, partly because Neil serves as Rush's main lyricist as well as their drummer/percussionist. I had to add the latter title thanks to Peart's work on some of Rush's early work which included tympany (kettle) drums, bells, chimes, and gongs...among other things.

When I first heard his drum solo on Exit...Stage Left, I was blown away by his precision rolls, round-the-kit drum fills, use of cowbell and overall drumming mastery. The guy knows how to work every tom, even a thunderous 20" floor tom, into a measure-busting drum fill. He never subscribes to the simple timekeeper roll, even though his timekeeping is impeccable. And Rush changes time signatures A LOT! so that's no easy task. People flock to see Rush in concert for the intricate drum fills that adorn every one of their songs.


CARTER BEAUFORD
A more recent favorite, Carter Beauford provides the percussive base for DMB (Dave Matthews Band). His batter's gloved, match grip style is his trademark. He usually steals the show, which is saying a lot at a DMB concert, since every musician on stage is top caliber.

I became a fan after a friend turned me onto DMB in the late 90's. Since then, I've gobbled up all the video of his playing that I could get my hands on. The guy is phenomenal and never ceases to surprise me. Just when you think he's laying back in the groove, he'll mezmerize you with a flurry of bass drum kicks accompanied by splash cymbal rolls. You've got to pay close attention or you'll miss something incredibly awesome!

Beyond his grooverific percussive style, his excellent pedal work and his high-octain approach to drumming, Beauford actually seems to be enjoying himself more than anyone on stage. Maybe he's just gloating, I don't know, but he's always got a big smile on his face....whenever he's not making a "drummer face," that is.


STEVE SMITH
Number four on my list could share the spotlight with Weckl, only because he's had the biggest influence on my drumming. Yes, even more so than Peart. That's because he and the next drummer were the first ones I really tried to emulate on my uncle's drumset.

Watch the video of Smith's solo while touring with Journey in 1981 and you'll understand part of my fascination. For a rock-n-roll drummer, you cannot do any better than Steve Smith. But what I was surprised to find out is what a world-renown drummer he really is, putting on clinics for Sonor drums, playing studio sessions and even jamming with Buddy Rich's big band. The guy has SERIOUS chops that are not bound by musical genre!

Anyway, my first exposure was Journey's Evolution album and I spent countless hours following his blues beat on "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'." Then my uncle brought home Journey's live album Captured. From the opening number with Smith's pulsating bass drum and furious drum fill intro through the drum solo (similar to the one linked on YouTube) to the one new song that capped the album, I was in complete and utter awe of his drumming. You get a glimpse at his genre-spanning prowess on that one album, from the bluesy shuffle of "Walks Like a Lady" to the ear-thumping of "Dixie Highway," "Line of Fire" or "La Do Da"...take your pick.

I could go on and on about Steve Smith. As I said, he's one of my main drumming influences, but I'll leave it up to you. Go online and check out some of his work on the album highlighted above, on YouTube or on the Burning for Buddy sessions.

JEFF PORCARO
If you read the Steve Smith section, above, you already know that Porcaro was a heavy influence on my early drumming style. If Jeff were still alive today, he'd undoubtedly be among the world's best drummers. But Jeff left the world MUCH too soon, and the drumming world still misses his smooth-as-silk shuffle.

Known primarily as the talented drummer for the jazz-fusion-infused rock group Toto, Jeff was previously a much sought after session drummer who played for the likes of Boz Scaggs, Seals & Croft and Steely Dan. He was trained under his father's tuteledge and Joe Porcaro was a great jazz drummer in his day.

The effortless way Jeff played the shuffle beat, demonstrated below on his one and only instructional video, was his trademark. It took me YEARS to learn it and I still struggle with it at times, especially all the ghost notes on the snare drum! Jeff always made it look easy...a surefire mark of a great drummer.


For me, 1992 will always be a dark year because of Jeff's untimely passing. Who knows what he might have achieved by now. Countless albums from the 70's and 80's bear his unmistakeable signature, but I grew up on his work with Toto. "Hold the Line" was one of the first songs I learned to play on the drums.

There is a blog dedicated to everything Jeff Porcaro. And this concludes my dedication to the Top 5 Modern Drummers in my estimation. Tell me what you think by leaving a comment below.

Musical Memories Part Two: Prog Rock to Metal

If it wasn’t apparent in part one of this series, I idolized my uncle Greg. Beyond his musical influences—his record collection, his drumset, his monster stereo system—he had cool cars, pretty girlfriends, basketball skills, pornography, alcohol…What more could a pubescent teenager ask for? He fueled my rock-n-roll fantasies.

I can remember cruising the town square in Princeton, windows down in Greg’s “Smoky and the Bandit” Firebird TransAm, Boston 8-Track blaring through the night sky. It was like having an older brother away at college who’d take me out partying and let me do all the things I wanted to do. It was sex, drugs and rock-n-roll…well, sort of. Substitute pornography for actual sex and liquor for drugs and, well, you get the picture.

We used to wear out the 8-Track player in his TransAm. Boston’s debut album, Styx The Grand Illusion, the Cars’ debut album and various mix tapes were our cruising music. When he traded up for a white TransAm, we added Billy Squier, Sammy Hagar, Loverboy and more Journey and Foreigner to the soundtrack of our teens. Only this time, the 8-Track player had given way to the cassette.

I had another musical mentor, but he was a grade school and high school classmate who lived down the street from me. Steve Mascari had two older siblings. He cut his teeth on his brother and sister’s massive record collection. Steve was also a budding musician who usually had instruments in his basement on Winston Drive. He broadened my musical horizons, introducing me to the music of The Who, The Police, Yes, Genesis and a Canadian trio who was just beginning to get heavy rotation on FM radio. No doubt, there will be an entire entry devoted to my favorite band of all time, Rush. Steve and I met in fifth grade at Saint Matthews. It was the only year I attended that school, but he and I became musical buds. From then on, most of my relationships were dependent upon a mutual love of all things rock. Steve’s influences ran more along the prog-rock vein of the 1970’s. His siblings had the older Styx albums, The Who, Rush, Genesis, Kansas, Yes and the like. I learned to appreciate concept albums, epic songs that could take up an entire side or an entire album, multiple time signature changes, keyboard solos (well, sort of) and sophisticated drum solos. My jaw nearly dropped when I first heard Neil Peart’s solo on the live version of YYZ (Exit…Stage Left)…yes at Steve’s house.

My musical tastes were expanding. I even learned that headbanging would play a part in my future, thanks to Steve’s parents and their introduction of cable TV to my world. In the early 80’s, we could spend mindless hours watching MTV on American Cablevision in the Mascari basement. After granting access to the extensive album collection at their house, the Mascari’s now offered MTV, Little Caesar’s pizza and rides to high school. Yes, those were the good ol’ days.

Prior to my exposure to MTV, the only hard rock/metal I had been exposed to was music by AC/DC and Ozzy Osbourne. That reminds me of another darker influence on my life…the high school youth group at Central Baptist Church in Broad Ripple (now Trinity at Westfield and Central). The rabble-rousers there, most of whom were a few years older than me, listened to REO Speedwagon’s Hi-InFidelity, AC/DC’s Back In Black and whatever else would set their parent’s ears ablaze. I befriended one of the few kids my age and Owen introduced me to Ozzy’s Blizzard of Oz album. I was shocked, thrilled and mesmerized by that music. He hung with some hippie wannabe’s who also listened to Hendrix and Black Sabbath. That was my earliest exposure to the darker, heavier side of rock-n-roll, but we’ll explore that some more in part three of this continuing saga.

For now, I’ll leave you with this musical memory. Some of my first actual purchases of rock music came compliments of the Columbia House Record Club. Yes, I licked stamps and taped my penny to the reply card! In return, I received by mail my first three cassette tapes—Genesis Abacab, The Police Synchronicity, and Triumph Allied Forces. After that came many trips to Peaches in Broad Ripple and Karma Records. I don’t know how many albums and mix tapes I amassed during high school, but my job at Little Caesars hardly covered my expensive hobby. And there were concerts, too, but we’ll visit all those memories next time. Until then, keep bangin’ your head and…Rock on!

Musical Memories Part One: The Music That Shaped Me

Recorded music was always a standard at our house and my parents were children of the 50’s and 60’s, so that music was usually Rock ‘n Roll. My parents were fans of three- and four-part harmony, so the Beach Boys and the Beatles were king (no offense Elvis)! Mom also loved the harmonious vocals of the Mamas and Papas, the Carpenters and the smooth crooner Johnny Mathis, to name a few. Those were the records I cut my teeth on, so to speak.

Thankfully, my parents never got into disco, and there is a stretch of the mid-to-late 70’s where we listened to mostly Christian artists, Keith Green, 2nd Chapter of Acts, The Archers and The Imperials…but I digress.

My early childhood was spent listening to Meet the Beatles, Rubber Soul, Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. In fact, my neighborhood pal Mike Moffet cut a guitar out of a cardboard box and would jam along to Sgt. Peppers ad nauseum. I often accompanied on air drums, yet even I at 8-years-old was better than Ringo.

As I got older and learned of the “secret death of Paul McCartney,” Mike Myers and I would scour dad’s Beatles collection for “clues,” even attempting to play certain records backwards to find “hidden messages.”

My parents bought me a record player for my 6th birthday. It was my favorite present. The bike they bought me sat unused for many years, but that record player was nearly worn out by my 8th birthday. Some of my first 45” singles included Heart’s “Magic Man,” Boston’s “More Than A Feeling,” Manfred Mann's "Blinded By The Light" and Starlight Vocal Band’s “Afternoon Delight.” The latter is the funniest considering my age and naiveté about anything sexual.

As disco was dying a slow, painful death during my junior high years, I was heavily influenced by an uncle, only four years my senior, who had begun amassing a collection of rock albums by Led Zeppelin, Journey, Foreigner, Toto and Styx. These were the musical influences that shaped me through my adolescence. Ah, the good ol’ days!

Toto, Foreigner and Journey were the bands that provided a soundtrack to my early attempts at drumming. Yes, the uncle who helped shape my musical tastes at decibels unsafe for veteran baggage handlers also had a drumset in his basement. I tried like hell to keep up with drum gods Jeff Porcaro and Steve Smith, but “Hot Blooded” was more my speed in those days.

Steve Smith was the drummer for Journey at the height of their career in the early 80’s. And just when I was getting familiar with FM standards “Wheel In The Sky,” “Anyway You Want It” and “Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’,” Journey released a live album that blew me away. It was right about that time I was allowed to go to my first rock concert at IU’s Assembly Hall. You guessed it, Journey was the headliner. They were on tour with a new keyboard player who sported a crimson red baby grand on loan from IU’s School of Music, no doubt. They were playing new songs from their Escape album, like “Stone In Love” and “Don’t Stop Believin’.” It was a dreamlike experience for a novice rocker and prepubescent 8th grader to be sure.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t say a bit more about the influence of Keith Green in my musical past. His piano-driven pop/rock was my introduction to “Jesus music” and really was very good. Well, his first two albums produced by Bill Maxwell, who is also an accomplished drummer and added his chops to those albums, were very good. Then, Keith got kinda full of himself and took over and the albums went downhill. That, and his career was cut short by a tragic plane crash in Texas. Still, his first album For Those Who Have Ears To Hear molded my softer side and helped give me an appreciation for piano as a percussive force in rock music.

My next entry on this topic will delve more into my evolving musical tastes through high school and my passion for darker music that aligned well with my testosterone-driven teenage angst. Until then, keep your feet on the ground…just kidding. Rock on!

Basketball Fever on Quarterback Lane

Yes, it's March Madness at the Doyle household as our beloved Florida State Seminoles take to the hardwood to dance the sacred dance. It has been a long time coming. Thank you, Leonard Hamilton!

Not since the days of Charlie Ward, Bob Sura and a freakish looking point guard named Cassell have I been this optimistic about FSU Basketball in the postseason. And I am not surprised by the five seed, considering the Noles strength of schedule and their 2nd place finish in basketball's premier conference.

Here are the main reasons why I believe you'll see the Garnet & Gold (and maybe black...LOVE the new black uni's!!!!) in the Sweet Sixteen.

The Seminoles play in the basketball-rich, tobacco-stained Atlantic Coast Conference...that's the ACC for those of you acronym junkies. On their way to facing Duke in the conference championship, they went 10-6 and knocked off the (then) #1 team in the country, North Carolina. In addition, they played 10 tournament teams, beating six of them at least once...and oh, by the way, one of those was Carolina...did I mention that already? They faced #1-seeded Pittsburgh and fought valiantly, losing by only 8 points. Could this be their Sweet 16 dancing partner? I think it could.

If turnovers and poor clock management don't kill their momentum, I foresee the Seminoles sweeping past Wisconsin tomorrow night, stifling Xavier with hands-in-your-face defense and finding Pitt waiting for them on March 26th. We'll see. For now, I'm just happy they finally made it back to the Big Dance. Now, I'm gonna kick back, eat some fried food, drink some Corona and become one with my recliner.

GO NOLES!!!

MEET MY NEW HERO! (updated 9/15/09)

“Never again,” Eva Kor says with a bulldogged determination. “We will overcome prejudice through education, education, education.” And when Eva speaks, people usually listen. I heard her speak these words about prejudice and the Holocaust as one of the lucky participants at her 75th birthday celebration yesterday.

Eva knows about prejudice and persecution. She was a Transylvania-born twin of Jewish descent who became a victim of Nazi experiments at age ten under the cruel hand of Dr. Josef Mengele. She spent nearly ten months in Auschwitz-Birkenau, the deadliest of World War II’s death camps, and has an amazing story of survival and triumph.

At the 50th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz (January 27, 1995), Eva publicly declared her forgiveness of Dr. Mengele and the Nazi’s for what they did to her and her family. She was accompanied by former Nazi Dr. Hans Munch, a man she was able to personally forgive for the role he played at the death camp.

“Forgiveness is really nothing more than an act of self-healing and self-empowerment. I call it a miracle medicine. It is free, it works and has no side effects” (excerpt from TheForgivenessProject.com)

As I’ve been studying the Holocaust over the past few months, I’ve found it hard to wrap my mind around the atrocities of Hitler’s regime. I’ve found it even more difficult to forgive my own country for standing idly by while these atrocities were committed. It’s not like our government didn’t know. They willingly chose ignorance and inaction.

After meeting Eva in the flesh, how can I not forgive? Her message is almost as big as her personality, and very moving.

Hitler saw Jews as an infestation of sewer rats and treated them as such in his propaganda and his death camps. Eva grew up under his tyranny but would not succomb to it. She’s outlasted and overcome the hate and incarnate evil he represents. She was named a 2008 Hero of Forgiveness by The Forgiveness Alliance, but more than that, Eva Moses Kor is my new hero.

Links of interest:

Never Again! online Holocaust memorial
http://holokauston.wordpress.com/
(Eva's mentioned here.)

CANDLES Holocaust Museum Site
http://www.candlesholocaustmuseum.org/

Victims of Mengele Site
http://www.auschwitz.dk/mengele/id19.htm

19 Stars of Indiana Book
http://www.iupress.indiana.edu/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=93168

My return to The Holocaust

Well before last year's slate of Holocaust-themed movies released just in time for the holidays (you know, mass murder on an epic scale is such cheery, holiday fare...WTF?), I visited the Indianapolis Children's Musuem's The Power of Children: Making A Difference. The section about Anne Frank really moved me. Something about seeing all of the artifacts from Nazi-controlled Europe, like personal diaries, Antisemitic propoganda posters, etc., really gave The Holocaust a new sense of realism and humanity to me, almost like I could touch and feel the evidence for the first time.

Up until then, the worst astrocity of the 20th century had been relegated to some old, black-and-white newsreel footage. And as disturbing as I found many scenes in Schindler's List, it still didn't bring home the reality like seeing the actual relics. I think this launched me on a quest to explore The Holocaust like never before. While I didn't make a trip abroad or even visit a national museum stateside, I did embark on a personal journey back into the 1930's and 40's. I tried to put myself in war-torn, depression-ravaged Europe.

First, I checked-out Schindler's List at my local library, making a mental note to do this at least once a year to keep the horrible reality alive in my mind. Then, I asked my wife to buy The Boy In Striped Pajamas as a Christmas gift (again, nothing quite says "Happy Holidays" like a Holocaust-themed novel). After seeing the movie trailer in November, I thought it best to read the book at home, first. That way, I could release the full-scale of my emotions in the privacy of my own living room and avoid making a fool of myself at the local theater. But I was a bit disappointed in the book. It was the most shallow treatment of The Holocaust I had ever witnessed with an ending I had figured out about 20 pages too soon. I didn't even cry at the anti-climactic end of the story.

It did, however, arouse even further curiosity about the death camps, namely Auschwitz. I went to my library everyday for weeks, gobbling up everything I could on Auschwitz and the Holocaust. I found myself becoming very frustrated with the lack of empathy and effort on the part of the Allied nations to DO SOMETHING about the blatant genocide taking place right under their noses! So I found a book titled Why We Watched and scoured it for answers. It left me just as empty, frustrated and guilt-ridden as I did watching Schindler's for the first time.

One of the highlights of my library checking spree was a little known documentary, Forgiving Dr. Mengele. It introduced me to Auschwitz and Mengele twin survivor, Eva Kor. And guess what? She lives RIGHT HERE in Indiana! I am going to meet her this Saturday at her Holocaust Museum in Terre Haute where she will be celebrating her 75th birthday! Eva has done her part to "forgive" her Nazi torturers and is part of the larger Forgiveness Project. I can't wait to meet and talk to her!

All this to say, I am still very saddened by the fact that my country did so little to directly help Eva and her coreligionists in Europe during Nazi oppression. It troubles me that author/professor Theodore Hamerow has concluded that rampant Anti-semitism both here and abroad shackeled Allied hands. If that is true, then shame on us...and shame on the rest of the free world!

I will be discussing Hamerow's book in more detail in my next blog...this could turn into a series on The Holocaust. Just so you know, I have much more to say on this topic (Holocaust deniers beware).

BCS--a lot of BS if you ask me!

Yes, I'm a bonafide BCS-basher. For my non-sports-watching friends, that's the Bowl Championship Series wrongly condoned by the NCAA...er...the National Collegiate Athletics Association. Sheesh, would one Sportscenter a week kill ya???

I've been on the playoff bandwagon ever since the ill-conceived BCS was launched back in the 90's. I say, what's good for the basketball court is good for the gridiron. What would we call March Madness if college basketball had a corrupt system to determine the national champion? March Moolah?

College football needs a playoff system and it needs one NOW! This is actually an Obama policy I can stand behind. In fact, I'm thinking of writing my representatives on the matter.

I know it's just a game, people, but tell that to Utah. Tell that to the money-grubbing university presidents, the boosters, the conference execs and the TV networks. There are millions of dollars, dare I say BILLIONS, at stake here! So, really, it's more than just the game of football. It is college scholarships, capital improvements for campuses, research funding and so much more for higher education.

And on a point of principle, it's about fairness.

How fair is it that a dominant Utah team wins out, going undefeated and doesn't even get a nod for the national championship? Oh sorry, they received ONE vote for it in the USA Today Coaches' Poll. Are you kidding me???

Think of all the great March Madness moments over the years, where you've cheered on a Gonzaga or Western Kentucky in the Sweet Sixteen. Cinderella stories like their's are what make the month of March, and college basketball in general, so fun to watch. Why wouldn't the TV networks want that for the month of January in college football? I know I do.

And I also want what's fair. Excluding the majority of Division I schools from the BCS is ridiculously unfair! It is what forced schools like my alma mater (FSU) to join a stupid conference (the ACC) back in the 90's. I liked our independence just fine, thank you! Notre Dame is the only independent included in the BCS' supercomputer formula.

Why the heck are computers figuring who's best in college football anyway? I've never seen a PC OR a Mac score a collegiate touchdown! Have you?

We need a playoff in college football worse than Brittany needs a lifecoach or the Jonas' Brothers need a haircut (or some real talent)! We need college presidents who are supposed to be the forebearer's of morality and higher education to do what's right and fair. Quit being such greedy, elitist bast***s and open the competition (and the hugenormous booty to boot) to everyone in Division I!

I agree with Rick Reilly of ESPN.com. Utah IS the national champion. No two ways about it!

Why is Teerlinck not our D-coord???

Ever watched a Colts game and wonder who the obese coach sitting on the bench is? He's John Teerlinck, the Colts' Defensive Line Coach. Talk about underrated. He's a big part of the reason Indianapolis is sending TWO defensive linemen--Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis--to Honolulu for the NFL's Pro-Bowl. He came to Indy from the Denver Broncos, and yes, he has a Superbowl ring with both franchises. Now tell me, why is he not our Defensive Coordinator, again?

I've said it once and I'll say it again, Ron Meeks is a pathetic excuse for an NFL coach. He couldn't coordinate the defense for the Fishers Junior League Colts who play in my neighborhood! The guy is a proven loser, yet Dungy has stuck with him and the media has largely written him a hall pass to skip any scrutiny during press conferences. Shall I scream it from atop the Soldiers and Sailors Monument? RON MEEKS IS NOT WORTH HIS WEIGHT IN SALT (or whatever currency with which Irsay is paying him)! I've been saying this for the past four years and only my dad seems to be listening.

Just watch Meeks on the sidelines. He looks completely lost. And even if he DOES know where the first down marker is, he has no idea how to stop the opposing offense from reaching it. Just look at how many third-and-longs our defense has given up during his tenure. If you have a short-term memory, just think last night's loss in San Diego (which DOES NOT mean whale's v'jay-jay).

Dungy or no Dungy next year, the Indianapolis Colts CANNOT suffer another year with Meeks at the defensive helm. Heck, Blue (pictured at left) could call a better defensive game than Ron Meeks! Please, Jim Irsay, give Blue a chance...er...John Teerlinck. The guy may look like a huge lump of lifeless clay on the sideline, but I'll bet he can run cerebral circles around (cue Baby Huey voice-over) duh...Ron Meeks.

Shoot, even the guy's name wouldn't strike fear in the heart of a small child. Not like Monty Kiffin or Dick LeBeau.

Okay, maybe those names are soft, too, but there defenses aren't! And they don't let ANYBODY run all over their defensive backs, especially not 5'6" dwarves named Sproles. And they wouldn't tolerate a "defensive player of the year" who only played 40% of the time (clearing throat, "SANDERS!").

Come on, Indianapolis! Am I the only one who sees it? We've had a smallish, underacheiving defense since before the Superbowl, and a linebacking corps that is CONSISTENTLY out of position to stop the run. We've got a secondary that couldn't wrap up and stop the Keebler elves, let alone Maurice Jones-Drew, Darrin Sproles or the guy on Houston's practice squad. The bend but don't break philosophy has never set well with me, and will never win us another championship. Is it personnel? I don't think so. It's the entire defensive philosophy, and we have one guy to hold accountable...Ron Meeks.

There, I feel much better now. What channel is broadcasting college basketball today?

Love--Life's Most Precious Gift

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. – The Bible (New Living Translation)

As I contemplate the meaning of the holiday season that is before us, I am reminded that life’s greatest and most precious gift is love. My two beautiful girls—aged 7 and 4—are a daily reminder of that gift. They love their daddy with the kind of zeal and affection that I can only describe as god-like.

It is unconditional.

Love that would set aside one’s own personal wellbeing for the benefit of another is the greatest of all. That is the gift we celebrate every year at this time. It compels us toward selfless acts of charity and benevolence. Love drives us to seek out special reminders that tell our loved ones we care in the form of gifts, cards and visits. It is divine oil that eternally fuels our faith and hope.

As jaded and cynical as I have become over 40 years and three months on planet Earth, I cling to hope. And this time of year usually rekindles that hope because I am reminded of the reason we are alive—to love one another. I am thankful that this year the message of hope is still alive.

I know that the message of hope is alive when I see:

• a local church feeding hungry kids



• adult stem cell research improve a woman’s life



• Christians around the world conspire to take back Christmas



• people’s lives transformed on television every week



• our community rally around a cancer survivor



• good Samaritans put their own lives at risk to save others
  

These are but a few shining examples of how hope is alive and well in Indiana and around the world. My hope this holiday season is that your life would be transformed by love, life’s most precious gift.

Happy Holiday!

Christmas CD Sale!!!

I've been diligently working on some classic Christmas CDs to enjoy this holiday season. I love the classics by Andy Williams, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald and Nat King Cole (to name a few), and I was browsing Half.com by genre. That's when I found that someone has marked all of their Christmas CDs down to 75-cents! Yes, 75-cents! That comes to less than $4 per CD when you add in shipping.



If you're a thrifty music shopper like me, and you don't believe in paying 99-cents to download MP3's, go to Half.com and pick out your favorite holiday music. You can click on the link to the right and search by artist, title, etc. or click the link above and browse their 9,000+ Christmas titles. Did I mention that most of the CDs are 75-cents???

Happy Holiday!

Domestic Adoption Worked for Us

Most of us know at least one person who has travelled to Asia to adopt a child. Many believe this is the quickest and best way to adopt and well worth the tens of thousands they invest. I've heard some heartwarming stories of those who have brought back precious children from overseas adoptions. But domestic adoption is just as viable an option, and often times a lot less costly.

There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the U.S. foster care system eligible for adoption (see February 2008 article in USA Today). And domestic adoptions aren't as expensive as some people believe them to be. Case-in-point: My wife and I adopted two girls while living in Florida, both of whom were born at local hospitals. The adoptions happened quickly with little expense and very few hurdles. The key for us was getting the word out.

If you are considering a domestic adoption, word-of-mouth can be just as important as hiring an attorney or contacting an agency. We were notified about both of our girls from friends and acquaintances who knew we were desperate to adopt. The key was getting word out through our network of family and friends. And in both cases, we used private practice attorneys whose fees were nominal. We spent less than $20,000 for both adoptions combined!

I cannot fully express the joy of having two adopted children. My girls are the best part of my day, even on bad behavior days. And I would encourage anyone who is considering adoption to look first locally. Spread the word through all the people you know at work, church, clubs, etc. You'll be surprised how many people will encourage you, support you by getting the word out and may even know of available babies/children.

November is National Adoption Month and there are plenty of online resources for those looking to adopt. There are support groups all over the country and on the web, too. I'd be happy to serve as a resource, so feel free to give my blog address to anyone who's considering adoption here or abroad.

Let's tackle our foster care issue together and see to it that American children find permanent, stable homes.

Taking Back Christmas

The Doyles are taking Christmas back from the commercial holiday it has become. When my girls got old enough to understand, we explained the Nativity and how the maggi came bearing gifts for the baby Jesus. We told them to expect three gifts from us each Christmas in hopes that their focus would be on giving and not receiving. To further that effort, we've planned family activities focused on helping others. This year, we're spending two weekends in December with nursing home residents.

Last year after joining the growing Facebook community, I came upon a group calling itself The Advent Conspiracy. It goes along perfectly with what we've implemented in our home. Watch the short promo video below to see what they are about.

You can see a bit longer, more personal video on their site, here.

It really is staggering the amount we, as Americans, spend on Christmas gifts. And all this is in the name of a Christ-child whose very birth was the hallmark of sacrifice (i.e. the Almighty taking on the lowly status of mere mortal)?? Talk about an outward focus.

It's sad that I'm even posting this on November 6th, but the American retail machine is already in full Christmas swing, hocking everything from talking Jesus dolls to day spa gift certificates for your pet. Think about what you're going to spend this Christmas season. What's on your "Black Friday" shopping list?

Consider giving some of that money, time or energy away this year. You'll feel much better if you do. And if you have a Facebook page, consider joining the conspiracy.

Are we really that gullible, America?

I don't usually weigh in on politics, but I'm surprised to see Obama's policies finally getting a reality check from a mainstream media outlet, not owned by Rupert Murdoch. I was wondering when someone would get around to looking "behind the curtain" of spin to discover what Obama's really saying.

After all, he's a government-can-fix-everything sorta Democrat who likes throwing good money--our money--after bad. He's going to fix Washington from the Oval Office and make it run more efficiently by cutting ineffective programs. Do you know how many huge federal agencies he'd have to cut in order to pay for his health care system alone?

The straight skinny is that you can't have hugenormous government AND huge tax breaks. Are people really gullible enough to believe that 95% of us can pay less into the government and get more in return? REALLY?

Unless Obama's plan is to eliminate the Dept. of Defense, Dept. of Treasury and the Postal Service, there's no way he's going to fund his trillion-dollar budget. There's a new term being bantied about on the Internet to describe this fantasy. It's called OBAMANOMICS.

It is about time the American public gets over it's fascination of the rock star, Obama, and digs a little deeper to see what he's really about. At least the media is finally pulling its collective head out of its backside on this one, although it could be a little too little too late.

Indy Walk to Cure Diabetes

The Doyles are walking to cure diabetes on October 18th in Indianapolis. We need everyone to get behind this effort to find a cure for diabetes. The two-mile walk at Military Park will be a few steps for our family, but could mean huge leaps for mankind in the fight against diabetes.

Get beside us or behind us by going to the Team Doyle page:

http://walk.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=87203756.

You can join the team and take the two-mile walk on Oct. 18, or you can donate $10 toward our family goal of $350. Just follow the link above and join us in this worthy cause.

Thank you.

P.S. You can help spread the word by including a link on your blog or web page.

Help for Houston Area

In the aftermath of Hurricane Ike, it's good to see businesses and community organizations stepping up to help people in need. You don't appreciate a hot shower anymore than when you've been without power and hot water for nearly a week. And how would you contact relatives without working phones and no way to power a laptop or recharge your cell? Well, thanks to AT&T, Little Caesars, the YMCA and area businesses, Texans displaced by Ike are finding ways to recharge more than just their cell phones. See how in the Houston Chronicle.

You may live hundreds of miles from the Texas coastline and wonder, "How can I help?" There are many, many ways. Of course, you can always pray for victims, relief workers and their families, but you can also put your faith into action. The Christian Emergency Network is calling for the following supplies and volunteers:

• Many, many forklifts – the spider kind that move easily across rough terrain (forklifts cut down on manpower time unloading supply trucks, moving trees, etc. by hand)
• Computers for temporary Internet Cafes – for victims and relief workers
• Refrigeration trucks and drivers
• Hot food facilities (victims and relief workers long for hot food)
• Shower facilities (for relief workers in the work zones)
• Doctors & nurses
• Giftcards to nationwide stores (Target, Wal Mart, etc.)
• Gas cards
• Generators
• Bulk donations of: ice, water, non-perishable food, diapers, baby formula, ensure
• Trucking hauls (can anyone donate trucks with drivers for several days at a time?)
• Cash donations online to Somebody Cares (the easiest and quickest way for SCA to meet needs as they come across them)
  
  Contact: Jodie@somebodycares.org (contact her for details regarding anything you can supply…even beyond this list)

As always, the American Red Cross will accept donations to help in their relief efforts. One of the best donations you can make is not monetary, though, it's your blood. If you're interested in helping save someone's life, you can find out more here. You can also volunteer to serve as a phone operator at your local Red Cross call center. I know the one here in Indianapolis is taking calls from the storm-ravaged areas of the Gulf Coast. You can volunteer in Indy for a 4-hour shift by calling 317-684-4309.

Sitting idly by and doing nothing is not an option.

You have time you can donate. You have blood. You have compassion. Put those things to good use and help your far-away neighbors in need. Follow the example of the businesses and organizations in Houston and do what's right.

Savoring Childhood for My Girls

Philip Gulley, a contributor to Indianapolis Monthly, penned a superb article titled "Poor Sport" in the September 2008 issue. It attacks with razor wit and sage insight youth sports organizations and the adult participants who support them.

The underlying message is that too many parents, in the name of sports almighty, are sacrificing the childhood of their offspring. Isn't society forcing children to grow up at warp speed already?

I am not against organized sports altogether, but as Gulley points out, much is to be gained by letting children form their own "leagues" in back yards and community parks. Much more is to be lost by shuttling them all over the country to compete for vain prizes and glory.

Kids need time and space to grow. They don't need adults micromanaging every minute of free time, pushing them to compete or serving as their "agents."

I remember countless kickball and wiffle ball games in my parent's yard where trees, bushes, buckets, frisbees and sometimes, stumps served as the bases. I can remember being picked last to play 3-on-3 blacktop basketball in the neighbor's driveway. Hey, I'm short, white and slow...but that didn't stop Larry!

The point is, I live in Fishers, youth sports capitol of the Midwest (maybe not it's official title, but one I'm happy to designate). And I could have my 7-year-old daughter in a myriad of after-school activities, including competitive soccer, swimming, diving or gymnastics. She's asked about participating in most of these, but I've made her pick ONE. She's naturally prone to water. I think her biological mother must have been a mermaid. So, I've enrolled her in swim lessons at the local high school. No, not the travelling swim team, just the plain old, swim lesson twice a week for three weeks. From there, we'll see where it goes.

Maybe she'll show a real knack for the breast stroke, and compete one day in AAU, but I'm not pushing it. At this age, I think it's best to let them try a few things first, and then choose. And if they choose not to compete, there's still the neighborhood kickball league.

I'm doing my best to let her and her 4-year-old sister enjoy their childhood. I see enough of their competitive side in day-to-day sibling rivalry. I don't need a bunch spectators and over-zealous parents to enjoy that sport.

Rush Encore

Wow, what a once-in-a-lifetime experience! I was privileged to see Rush twice on their North American tour, this time compliments of my good friend Joe Copple. Joe and I went to high school together and camped out for Rush tickets at Market Square Arena in 1986. Three of the four Rush concerts I've seen were with Joe. I blogged about the experience last summer here.

And while this was the pretty much the same show, it was the last stop on their Snakes and Arrows tour--a concert that had to be rescheduled from June. And let me just say that Verizon Wireless Music Center is one of the best venues around. The show was complimented by perfect weather! Oh, and did I mention that the tickets were free?!?!?! Thank you Joe!

We sat in the same section about 10 rows further back from the stage. The Canadian trio put on one helluva show! The end of their second set was an unbelievable trip into their storied past covering Spirit of Radio, 2112 (Overture and Temples of Syrinx) and Tom Sawyer. Then, during the extended encore they played YYZ, one of my favorite all-time Rush instrumentals.

Other songs of note were Passage to Bangkok, Witch Hunt and Natural Science, songs you don't typically hear at a modern-day Rush concert. Of course they sprinkled in plenty of tunes from the current album, including Working Them Angels and Far Cry. It was an excellent show.

The thing I can't understand is how this phenomenal, four decade band has been excluded from the Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame. It defies logic. With 24 gold and 14 platinum records (RIAA searchable Database Recording Industry of America July 29, 2007) and more than 30 years of recording and touring the globe, I'm dumfounded why Alex, Geddy and Neil are not fixtures in the Cleveland museum. Please take a moment to sign the petition to get these legendary musicians (each a virtuoso on his own instrument) into the hall. If you need any further motivation, please watch this video:

Neil Peart has always been one of my absolute favorite rock drummers and a big reason why I took up drumming at an early age. Even if you don't care for the progressive rock stylings of Rush, you have to admire their individual talents and their longevity...rivaled only by the Rolling Stones.

I only hope I get to see them again before they call it quits. Rush ROCKS!!!

Thanks again to Joe Copple for the complimentary tickets!

Roots

Genealogic research performed by uncles on both sides of my family has piqued my interest in our families’ history. They’ve dug diligently to trace our European ancestry as far back as the 17th century. You can view much of our lineage if you click the Geni link to the right.

My interest in history swings much broader than just my own family tree, however. I’ve recently begun investigating the history of Lyles Station and that settlement’s connection to the Underground Railroad (UGRR) in Indiana. My aim is to establish a solid link between the African-American community in Gibson County and the white abolitionists who aided them, like the Stormont family, and thereby obtain an Indiana Freedom Trails marker as a monument to their efforts.

I guess a combination of these interests caused me to checkout the 30th Anniversary DVD of Roots at the local library. That, and my wife was not allowed to watch it as a child, so this was her first viewing.

I was surprised how little of it I remembered even though it made an indelible impression on me when I first saw it on television in 1977. And while it only gives small glimpses into the UGRR, it continues to stir my curiosity about the secret pathways north and the courage of those who dared to travel it and also those who risked all to aid the escapees.

It stands to reason that free African-Americans in the “lower north,” particularly the settlements in southern Indiana, would have been a first stop along the pathways to freedom. Some escaped slaves would have surely settled there while many others would have continued north to Michigan and Canada.

The problem in documenting all this is that most of the 19th century American history you find in libraries was written by white men. They weren’t particularly interested in elevating the heroes of the African-American community. Their self-serving portraits of abolitionist activity paint an almost white portrait of the UGRR, as if no escape from slavery would have been possible without the aid of anti-slavery whites. While this may be true in part, it is not the whole truth.

Have you ever considered what it would have been like to be a slave on the run and scared for your life? Who would you trust? It certainly wouldn’t be a white man. So my work is definitely cut out for me. This will not be an easy project to document with concrete evidence. Just like my uncles, I will have to dig to uncover the important role the free African-Americans of Lyles Station played in helping others to freedom.

Family Ties--Doyle Cabin Reunion

I've blogged before about the Doyle cabin on Greenbriar Lake in Sullivan County (IN). It has always played a pivotal role in keeping me connected with my dad's family and with our Doyle heritage because we've gathered there annually since I was a kid. Since moving back to Indiana in 2006, I've been able to participate in two consecutive reunions, now. Its always great to reconnect with cousins, aunts and uncles you only see once every few years and to hear the family stories told under the shade of 60-year-0ld oak, pine and sycamore trees. If only those trees could talk!

My dad's younger brother, Al Doyle, has chronicled much of our family's history, recently telling us the story of Noble "Kid Chissell" Chisman who was my grandmother's first cousin. Kid Chissell, as the story goes, was a good friend of Bob Hope's and a witness to Marilyn Monroe's secret wedding which only lasted about three days. His filmography is quite extensive, beginning in the late 30's and spanning three decades. Uncle Al recalls his mother pointing out her cousin on their old black-and-white TV whenever Chisman would make a guest appearance on Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color.

Its funny that prior to this year, I never remember hearing the first thing about this famous cousin, or that his mother's nickname was "Toad." I'm just glad that that family name died with grandmother's generation.

It was just as fascinating to hear that a recent barrier was broken in our genealogy from the late 1700's in Pennsylvania. There was very little information about a William Doyle who lived in western Pennsylvania, until my brother and uncle unearthed some clues pointing to a John Doyle who emigrated from Ireland in the mid-1700's and was William's father. Also of great interest is the fact that one of our relatives on grandmother's side fought in the Revolutionary War, and another served as a translator for the French-speaking Indians in the lower Wabash River Valley. Grandma (Louise) Doyle's family were Dutch (Thuis) and French (LaPorte) immigrants who settled in the Vincennes area.

Grandpa (James H.) Doyle's family migrated, as many Irish working-class citizens did, from Pennsylvania westward through Ohio and Indiana. My great-grandfather, Albert Abraham Doyle, was a resident of Indianapolis and did carpentry work on the beautiful Scottish Rite Cathedral. Grandpa Doyle was born and raised here, attending Cathedral High School when it was a Catholic all-boys school in downtown Indy (current site of the diocese headquarters, I believe). After moving to southwest Indiana, he worked for Public Service utilities and built the log cabin on an abandoned strip mine.

The cabin holds many fond memories for me and is a favorite destination for my girls. That's Makenna on the tire swing, pictured at right. You can see the front (SW) corner of the cabin and the old utility poles my grandpa used in constructing the 60-year-old lakeside retreat. I am thankful that we'll have stories to pass onto my daughters, neices and nephews about this family heirloom and about those who came before us. I appreciate my Uncle Al's work and that of Sean Kern and Ryan Doyle to document our family history and thereby ensuring that the stories can be told for generations.