The Doyle Hypocricy

The melodrama on a message board I frequent was only recently eclipsed by the drama surrounding an upcoming family wedding. Let me just say from the start that this is EXACTLY the reason I have a problem with self-righteous people.

This Doyle melodrama, brought to you by the Pharisaical First Holiness Church on the Prairie, revolves around a divorced family member who is marrying his mistress. Yes, the other woman is getting her prize, much to the chagrin of just about everyone in my family.

Can they let it go, already?

Yes, adultery, affairs, divorce, divided families, etc. are not Christian ideals. We all agree on that. However, forgiveness, grace and mercy are the highest of ideals…just browse the New Testament or Google, “Sermon on the Mount.”

We were only alerted to the wayward family member’s second marriage very recently. The celebration takes place in just over a week. That’s hardly enough time for us to trash the couple, badmouth their situation, judge their morals and critique everything from the invitations to the honeymoon. How inconsiderate!

And in the family discourse that has erupted, I’ve learned:
 that an ordained member of my family could possibly lose his salvation if he even drives past the church where the wedding is to occur
 that its okay to attend the wedding for appearance sake ONLY
 that its also okay to shun this family member and the soon-to-be in-law simply because we know their union is “unholy”

Self-righteousness is an UGLY wart on the Body of Christ. Unfortunately, my immediate family does not think so. Because they are right, and they have Scripture to prove it, they can look down their noses at the shunned ones and feign pity, when what they really want is some good Old Testament judgment reigned down by a vengeful God. Okay, maybe only the ex-wife wants that, but many in my family are on “her side,” as if battle lines have been drawn around this wedding.

It’s crazy, I know, but no one has ever accused my family of functionality. And maybe that’s why this is bothering me so. It is MY family, not just some group of hypocritical Christians at a (fill-in the blank) rally.

Now, that I’ve vented, I only feel a tinge of remorse. After all, I’m now the one being quite the hypocrite…but its okay as long as I do it.

Long Winter of the Soul

It's 3 AM on a cold Indiana morning, though not as cold as it has been for two and a half months. Could we be seeing the last frigid days of winter? The groundhog thinks so. I certainly hope so.

It was just three short months ago that I loaded up the family truckster and headed to good ol' Indy…in the dead of winter. As I sit here by the fire and the light of my monitor, wondering what the hell I'm doing up at this hour, I reflect on the icy days of December, January and February. And while it seems that we are finally emerging from the cold, dark past, I'm left to wonder, has my marriage survived the winter?

Sure, we enjoyed the change in climate, the adventure of new beginnings and snow days, but as reality sets in—new jobs, new mortgage, new school—that whole "let's start over in Indiana" idea seems a little more suspect.

Honestly, it has been an adventure. The girls seem to be adjusting well. The job is certainly paying well. We love our new family at The Dwelling Place. And we love being close to my family. But we certainly haven't escaped us…Tracy and I, that is.

We had hoped for a rebirth, of sorts, for our marriage…a fresh start…a DO-OVER. Hasn't quite been as easy as calling "Ghost man on third!"

I knew that the transition would take its toll eventually. I knew that rebuilding trust could take forever. I just expected the new environs to help us cling to our newfound selves. But for whatever reasons—and I'm sure there is a plethora—we butterflies are clinging to the old cocoon. Why haven't we broken free and begun to fly? We're in counseling. We have a great support network. We seem to still like each other (I said LIIIKE, DOTTIE!) and enjoy each other's company. But to say that the flicker of romance is about as dim as my desktop lamp on low would be an understatement.

I'm finding out that marital do-overs are much harder than the ones invoked during child's play. Would the damn ghost man just score already!!! SHEESH! Steal home or something!

Our marriage still seems to be struggling through this winter period. If you read this and think "Aw, not Tris and Cracy," then you haven't been following along with the program. Say a prayer for us. Drop us a line or a note to say you're thinking of us.

We're both committed to making this thing work. We're just not sure we have the right tools. And let's face it, those of you who know me know I ain't the master craftsman when tools of any kind are required to fix a broken thing.

Well, that's all for today, children. Indiana's winter was bearable, but this long winter of the soul is getting old.