Caring too much and carrying the weight

I had someone close to me last year tell me they are jealous of my "gypsy lifestyle." I found that characterization quite interesting and not all that far off. But here's the thing...it seems to denote a carefree lifestyle. I'm neither carefree or careless. Quite the contrary, I care TOO MUCH at times.

More recently, a newfound friend and confidante told me that I am effected by other people's energies and so I must be careful. I am careful, especially in avoiding negative energy from others. If it gets too much, I simply walk away.

But her words were true and impactful. Because I care so much (not saying I'm a total empath, but I certainly don't lack empathy), I do tend to absorb people's energy. I want to get down in the dirt with them and feel the sensation of the damp Earth. Embracing someone with the same dirt as you under their fingernails is much more impactful than someone filled with sympathy or pity. Really understanding what another is going through is monumental in fostering and maintaining strong connections.

I might live like a gypsy, but I really do care...not so much what other people think, but what they are going through in their own lives. Being empathetic and absorbing that energy is like helping to carry a heavy load. But you do that for a few close friends and the weight can become too much, unbearable even. You've heard the expression, "Carrying the weight of the world." Well, I believe that's where it came from...an empath who cared too much, absorbed too much and didn't know when to set healthy boundaries.

I said that I'll walk away from someone vibrating on a lower frequency. I don't want to absorb their negative energy. So I have learned to set boundaries. Still, I find myself taking on too much and forgetting about self-care, at times.

My new friend who seems to get me on a cellular level warned me about doing this recently. She is a great friend who I greatly admire and respect.

If you don't surround yourself with people of similar energies and frequency as you, you'll succumb to the level of the company you keep. The weight of their negativity, or just the circumstance they find themselves in, can bring you down. Be healthy. Set boundaries and stick to them.

I think I'll keep my gypsy lifestyle a bit longer. It's not as carefree as it seems, but it suits me.

STOP CHASING SELF-ESTEEM

A GREAT INTRODUCTION TO THIS TOPIC...



I was a chronic self-doubter. I grew up in a cynical, critical, religious home with parents who didn't love themselves the way they should. This isn't an indictment of them, it's just a part of my story that shaped who I became as an adult. There's no blame in this. It's just my perception of the problem and the toxic environment in which I was raised.

It took YEARS to break free from that harmful mindset--that I'll never measure up, never be good enough, never be deserving enough, etc. That disillusionment with self came crashing down in 2012. I picked up a new book by Dr. Neff's (video above) colleague, Dr. Christopher Germer, "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion." I've written about it more than once, including this blog post in Dec 2012.

Again, it was a game changer for me, this concept of loving myself and accepting both the good and bad, the yin and yang of my being. The chastisement and critical behaviors began melting away. The will to do self-harm became less and less. I saw myself sabotaging my relationships less frequently, but mostly the self-sabotage was replaced by understanding and mercy. I was able to start healing by forgiving myself for perceived failures and shortcomings. I began to focus more on the goodness inside of me, the parts I really admired about my personality, my being.

I was up late last night because I couldn't sleep. Journaling has become an effective therapy for me, so I did so last night at 3 a.m. I was led back to this concept of self-compassion and how it's altered the course of my life the last 8 years.

I recommend this video as a good starting point. Here's to your journey of self-discovery. Be well, friends!