SERIOUSLY? This is the thanks I get?

There are many reasons why people might hurt those they love, including intentional and unintentional actions. Some reasons might include:

• Emotional baggage: This could include guilt, self-loathing, or shame.
• Fear: This could be a fear of intimacy, losing someone, or being unmasked.
• Control: This could be a desire to assert control or independence.
• Boundaries: This could be testing relationship boundaries.
• Expectations: This could be expecting a lot from the other person.
• Overreaction: This could be overreacting to a perceived slight.
• Self-destructive behavior: This could include lying, cheating, or betraying.
• Responsibility: This could be the responsibility that comes with being in love, where words and actions can have a big impact on someone else. (From Google AI)

"Once you've triggered them, they are going to resort to the same pattern behavior and speak from their trauma, not from their truth." ~Me

It's a sad fact of life that we shit all over the people closest to us. We take for granted the people in our lives, especially our families, because they've always been there for us. As close as you can possibly get to unconditional love in this life is with those in your inner circle. And because they typically won't leave you, they suffer your insufferability. They put up with all your shit.

I've been getting shit on a lot lately.

And I hate being taken for granted. I'm a nice guy and a good person, so it happens WAY too often. But it only hurts to your core when it's done by those you love most in this world.

In recent weeks, I've had reason to call out some pretty bad behaviors in those closest to me. Pattern behaviors by some, just outright bad behavior by others. And each time, it was turned around on me and I ended up getting viscously attacked.

The attacks seemed particularly viscous because of their nature, the reason and the target.

I didn't do anything to bring on the attacks. Like I said, I was merely making observations and pointing out particularly bad behaviors, acts of self-sabotage and such.

It takes a real man to own up to his own shortcomings. I've done that since my early 30's. I've been pretty transparent about my issues, my human faults and bad behaviors. I've tried to practice humility, like all the spiritual gurus have taught from Confucius through Jesus and Mohammed. I've blogged about it here DOZENS of times. It's central to my evolving faith and personality. So why can't I expect that same self-awareness from those I love most??

It seems to escape them, despite them all being intelligent, reasonably mature individuals.

But instead of owning their bad behaviors, they felt it necessary to project and deflect by lashing out at me and attacking my character. I'm sorry, what? My character didn't suddenly change because you perceive that I'm attacking you! The good person that you know me to be didn't suddenly become evil incarnate just because you don't like what I said. How about taking a LOOK IN THE MIRROR and see if what I pointed out is true. They KNEW that it was and that's why it bothered them so bad.

I get it. People don't like to be called on their shit. It's embarassing, humbling, uncomfortable, inconvenient...and can seem like an attack, especially to those who can't take one ounce of criticism. Often those who've suffered CPTSD brought on by childhood trauma can't take any criticism AT ALL! It's ALWAYS perceived as an attack.

But I didn't wake up one day and just decide to go on the offensive and start attacking those that I love. Why would I do that? I'm not a self-sabotager. I'm self aware. I'm the same person that all of those closest to me learned to love and admire. My behavior isn't at issue.

Still, I call out the behavior, not in a mean, vindictive or judgmental way, just as a conscious observer of those whom I care about most. Do I want them to live their lives in denial, repeating the same dangerous patterns or repeating the same false narrative so many times that they actually believe it? HELL TO THE NO!!!

If I love you, I'm not going to sit idly by and watch you spiral out of control, crash to the ground and burn to death! That's not what loving individuals who care about you DO!

But in the moment, after being called out, they can't be expected to behave rationally or deal with your criticism like a mature adult. Once you've triggered them, they are going to resort to the same pattern behavior and speak from their trauma, not from their truth. (QUOTE THAT!)

I've experienced this many times. I let things go until they become untenable, then I choose to bring receipts to the conversation where I sit them down and say, "Hey, enough. This is harmful behavior. It's hurting both of us. And that's not okay."

Then my character gets assassinated?

I'm sorry, in what universe is that acceptable?

Why am *I* now on the defensive? Did I put a gun to your head and say "mistreat me?" Did I do the bad behavior that I'm calling out? Is it my pattern being observed and corrected? NOPE! I did nothing but try to love you and bring some awareness to your behavior, as difficult as it was for me to do so after years of observation.

I'll be bluntly honest here. I was triggered most recently by my own daughters. The bad behavior I called out was snubbing me on Father's Day. Instead of an "I'm sorry" or "I forgot, my bad," I got a litany of excuses as to why I DON'T DESERVE to be honored and how I NEVER EARNED the title nor the respect.

EXCUSE ME?

I didn't choose you, adopt you and raise you?

If that really wasn't me all those years, in all those photos and on the adoption paperwork. WHO THE FUCK WAS IT??!?!?!

And so they chose not only to disrespect me on the one day of the year devoted to fatherhood, they viscously came at me with a distorted version of reality and a bunch of unfounded, personal attacks...attacks on my character.

I was devastated yesterday by their words. It cut me TO THE ABSOLUTE CORE of my being! And I did nothing wrong. I merely pointed out that I'd been dissed and hurt by their actions.

I'm not allowed to have a voice? Or feelings about it?

I sure let them have a voice. All day, I put up with their verbal abuse and baseless allegations, none so serious that I couldn't post here, but I'm not trying to air the details of our "dirty laundry." It's just typical, I'm an adult now and I know everything nonsense that we've all experienced. Our parents were the devil, mistreated us daily and are the source of EVERYTHING that is wrong in our lives. (Cry me a river, kids! I have the t-shirt.)

But, seriously, of all the people in their inner circle, who loved them, I was the LEAST toxic or harmful to them. I didn't shit all over them. But they sure did me!

I've been their punching bag for a number of years. They know that I can take it. I'm still going to absorb the blows and love them to my core...as I always have.

They had a great dad in me.

I always loved them, told them so, showed them with my actions and even expressed how lucky I felt to have "won the Dad lottery." If they heard that last part once, they heard it HUNDREDS OF TIMES!

And not only do I have receipts for this, I have a long fucking line of witnesses who know me personally, who saw the devoted, loving father I have always been to my two daughters.

THAT'S why this hurt so bad. It was unfounded, uncalled for and untrue. I know the person I am. I know the person THEY HELPED me to become. Being a dad is the single most important thing I've done in my life that's taught me the most valuable lessons about life and who I really am. I've always felt that way about being their Dad. Best. Decision. Ever!

But they don't get to speak my truth for me. They don't get to now, after 20 and 23 years of loving them to my core, rewrite history. I was NOT NOR EVER CLAIMED TO BE a perfect person or father. I am a flawed human being. But I did a HELLUVALOT better than my dad and his dad before him. And as time went by, I became an even better dad and version of myself. ASK. ANYONE! As I said, I have a LONG LINE of witnesses who can testify.

As to the others in my inner circle who have hurt me recently, just know it speaks volumes about YOUR CHARACTER not mine. So proceed with your character assissination of me if it makes you feel better. I won't stand for it, though. I KNOW WHO "I AM." It is a reflection of your human flaws and not my own. As I said, I've owned my shit. Now own yours. I'm not going to keep pointing it out.

And in conclusion, if anyone reading this would like to see real change in their life and experience some different results:. 

DO. SOMETHING. DIFFERENT.

Repeating the same pattern behavior and expecting different results is a long-held urban dictionary definition of INSANITY. Doing the same shit, expecting different results. How does that work in any recipe. Going to put bananas in this bread, follow the recipe to a "T," but expect Pineapple Cake instead of Banana Bread. With or without walnuts, that IS NUTS! You get out what you put in. "Same shit, different day" routines don't make different results EVER. Period. You cut a dress from the same pattern and 100% of the time, you get the same result. That floral print sundress isn't going to become a Versace-wannabe ball gown. Do something different. Don't follow your pattern.