STOP CHASING SELF-ESTEEM

A GREAT INTRODUCTION TO THIS TOPIC...



I was a chronic self-doubter. I grew up in a cynical, critical, religious home with parents who didn't love themselves the way they should. This isn't an indictment of them, it's just a part of my story that shaped who I became as an adult. There's no blame in this. It's just my perception of the problem and the toxic environment in which I was raised.

It took YEARS to break free from that harmful mindset--that I'll never measure up, never be good enough, never be deserving enough, etc. That disillusionment with self came crashing down in 2012. I picked up a new book by Dr. Neff's (video above) colleague, Dr. Christopher Germer, "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion." I've written about it more than once, including this blog post in Dec 2012.

Again, it was a game changer for me, this concept of loving myself and accepting both the good and bad, the yin and yang of my being. The chastisement and critical behaviors began melting away. The will to do self-harm became less and less. I saw myself sabotaging my relationships less frequently, but mostly the self-sabotage was replaced by understanding and mercy. I was able to start healing by forgiving myself for perceived failures and shortcomings. I began to focus more on the goodness inside of me, the parts I really admired about my personality, my being.

I was up late last night because I couldn't sleep. Journaling has become an effective therapy for me, so I did so last night at 3 a.m. I was led back to this concept of self-compassion and how it's altered the course of my life the last 8 years.

I recommend this video as a good starting point. Here's to your journey of self-discovery. Be well, friends!