A Father's Love

I love you more than what I can convey by text or even mere words.

As soon as I typed those words and hit send, it made me ponder some deep things. Will she ever be able to fully weigh the sentiments I just poured out? The words were heavy with meaning. Will she ever understand that, or the depth from whence they came? Maybe if she raises a child and loves it proper. I don't know. I pondered if she truly loves herself. If she fully grasps the concept. Probably not. I was well into my adult years.

One thing I know of sure, she doesn't know the profound impact that loving her has had on me as a person, and as a man.

I know I wasn't fully rooted in the concept when I adopted her. I wouldn't begin the practice of self-love until the summer of her 11th birthday, once she and her mom and sister were getting reacclimated with life in Tallahassee...without me.

But as cliche as it sounds, I didn't even know I had enough love inside to love two other human beings, such as I did those two. Would I have ever cracked the code on loving myself without them? It's hard to imagine. So I cannot possibly overstate the impact that they've both had on my life, my adopted daughters, but primarily Merikathryn, because she was my first.

The text at top is more than sentimentality. It is not the sappy, syrupy derivative of a lonely empty-nester father, though I do miss her dearly (both of them). I miss being a daily presence in their life and them in mine. No, it wasn't just saccharine sentimentality. It came from a depth in me I've only begun to realize and explore, a deep well inside that 2012 untaped.

I'm struggling with words, now. They just don't do the depth of feeling any justice. It really is deep and abiding, a father's love. Mine is no different for my oldest than if she'd been created from my rib, "bone of my bone or flesh of my flesh," as the saying goes. No, I couldn't quite imagine going much deeper. I feel it in my marrow. But how to convey that by text? In words?

I did my best today with what I wrote (this was actually yesterday, when I texted then wrote this post). Words are all I really have. And if texting is technically an action, then I'm loving her actively, as well. But will it hit it's mark? Hard to say. I'm not there to gauge her reaction (and she hasn't texted back in two days...not that unusual...she'll get around to it eventually).

I don't know that her brain is fully developed at 24. What about her sense of who she is? Yes, I shared a part in shaping that person. And I did my best to love her! But I'm imperfect, as a human and a parent. I didn't always display fatherly love. There were missteps, for sure. Heck, there was separation and a divorce. That surely didn't help. But I did to the best of my ability at that time. But does she love herself, I wonder. Can she accept love fully?

These are the questions I cannot answer.

But I can certainly keep letting her know.

Domestic Adoption Worked for Us

Most of us know at least one person who has travelled to Asia to adopt a child. Many believe this is the quickest and best way to adopt and well worth the tens of thousands they invest. I've heard some heartwarming stories of those who have brought back precious children from overseas adoptions. But domestic adoption is just as viable an option, and often times a lot less costly.

There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the U.S. foster care system eligible for adoption (see February 2008 article in USA Today). And domestic adoptions aren't as expensive as some people believe them to be. Case-in-point: My wife and I adopted two girls while living in Florida, both of whom were born at local hospitals. The adoptions happened quickly with little expense and very few hurdles. The key for us was getting the word out.

If you are considering a domestic adoption, word-of-mouth can be just as important as hiring an attorney or contacting an agency. We were notified about both of our girls from friends and acquaintances who knew we were desperate to adopt. The key was getting word out through our network of family and friends. And in both cases, we used private practice attorneys whose fees were nominal. We spent less than $20,000 for both adoptions combined!

I cannot fully express the joy of having two adopted children. My girls are the best part of my day, even on bad behavior days. And I would encourage anyone who is considering adoption to look first locally. Spread the word through all the people you know at work, church, clubs, etc. You'll be surprised how many people will encourage you, support you by getting the word out and may even know of available babies/children.

November is National Adoption Month and there are plenty of online resources for those looking to adopt. There are support groups all over the country and on the web, too. I'd be happy to serve as a resource, so feel free to give my blog address to anyone who's considering adoption here or abroad.

Let's tackle our foster care issue together and see to it that American children find permanent, stable homes.