Transitions, Decisions and Me

Encouraged to keep writing and posting by one of my newest friends, here I am at the keyboard again contemplating my life...

This move to Colorado from Florida via Indiana has been one of the hardest transitions of my life! 

While I made the move to remain close to my daughters, the fact that I've seen them so few times makes it that much more difficult. Those girls are my rock...have been for the better part of 20 years. I was their primary caregiver at different times of their life, but most recently in Tallahassee from February 2014 until July 2020 (about 60% of that period). To go from full-time parent to hardly seeing them has been a huge adjustment for me. It's taken a toll on my psyche to be sure.

Beyond that, I've struggled to find housing security out here, adequate employment, a community of believers for support or any open music venues. The lack of an outlet for my music looms very large. I haven't had a gig since March 15, 2020, almost one year ago, now. Since last March, I might have played once at church, but I don't recall, as my Tallahassee church went virtual around that same time. They were a huge support to me and helped me greatly in getting my things from Florida to Indiana. THANK YOU, GOOD SAM TALLAHASSEE!!

The musical community was another great support network back before COVID. Out here, venues are closed and most artists are struggling. There are no places to gather other than online. There are occasional street performers in downtown Boulder and the theaters are slowly opening at minimum capacity for shows. But until we get COVID under wraps, there won't be any gigs for us struggling musicians.

The City and County of Boulder did not exactly roll out the welcome mat to me. In fact, they've made it rather clear, I'd be better off elsewhere. They've even offered me bus fare to get there. But my heart is still here in the Gunbarrel community, where my daughters live with their mom. It's not been an easy go, but I did survive the first winter out here. Due to the issues I stated, above, I've been wrestling with the idea of heading back south, to a sunny, 7-mile strip of white sandy beach. In my mind, I see myself sunning by the tiki bar at The Outrigger or sharing beers with the locals at The Mermaid on Fort Myers Beach. I'd have opportunities to play there. I have "family" there and a place to stay. It's so tempting...

But before I left Tallahassee in early August 2020, I made a solemn vow to my daughters--that I'd make it out to Boulder and stay here until I saw my youngest, who is almost 17, graduate from high school. The girls seemed keen on that idea, even telling me how much they still needed me around. That's why this transition has been so hard. I've made this move for the right reasons, but I don't feel like my good intentions have been met with reciprocal intent. And the City of Boulder has not made it any easier.

That's where my mind and heart have been of late. I've confided in a few of my closest friends. They know how conflicted I am right now. This feels like a week of decision. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for listening. :)