It can’t be BOTH so which is it?

Not EVERYTHING in the Bible is spelled out as consistently and clearly as say God’s jealousy, the rights of slaves, the property that is women or its utter inconsistency between old and new covenants. Let’s not get into the weeds by dissecting adjectives or comparing chapter and verse. Let’s take a Sinai view from 7500 feet above sea level at some overarching themes.

EYE FOR AN EYE v TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

There is a lot of bloodlust in the Hebrew Bible, a collection of stories, songs, poems and prophesies we find in our Old Testament. The Law of Moses was that justice requires “an eye for an eye,” and that justice was meant to be carried out quickly and severely. So severe were the edicts of God, who we’ll get to below, that not even babies or livestock were spared. On several occasions, YHWH commanded the Israelites to commit utter genocide that didn’t stop with the humans. His bloodlust was such that not a living thing was to be spared! YIKES. Sorta like the concept of hell, this justice seems unduly harsh. But that was the “old way.”

The “new way” of looking at justice, according to Jesus, was DON’T strike back, don’t repay evil with evil. That’s now considered barbaric. Instead, we are to turn the other cheek. Justice in the New Testament became self sacrifice, embodied in the man-god (demigod) Jesus. No babies or goats were harmed after 33 CE. Nowhere in the second half of the Bible—the good half, the Jesus part—is anyone instructed to plunder, rape and pillage. Nope. If you were wronged, bend over and say, “Thank you Father, may I have another?” First Peter 4:12-19 asserts that sharing in suffering makes you one with Christ.

These two concepts, while written 500-800 years apart scholars believe, couldn’t be more opposite than if they were the North and South poles. What is God’s justice, then, because it can’t be both! Does judgment come in this life at the hands of God’s elect or in the afterlife at His hands? Are we to pluck out our attacker’s eye as one covenant suggests? Or turn the other cheek and endure double the pain?

TRIBAL WAR GOD v ABBA FATHER

The Old Testament God, YHWH, is a brute force who led his tribe, Israel, into battle. This was not a foreign concept at the time, say two millennia BEFORE Common Era. The Canaanite God, Ba’al, was the son of the Most High, El, and a tribal warrior god. Scholars believe ancient Israelites revered and worshipped them all (see Exodus). But as we pointed out above, this version of the Biblical God, seems bloodthirsty, unsatisfied until every living thing is killed. I mean there was that whole flood narrative in Genesis. Gods in the ancient world were bloodthirsty and YHWH was no different. Look at the story of Abraham and Isaac. Blood sacrifice was known in the ancient world to appease the gods.

I won’t belabor that point. But when Jesus arrives on the scene, he paints a VERY dissimilar portrait of YHWH. In fact, that Hebrew alliteration is abandoned for the Greek Adonai or the Aramaic Abba for father. Never before in Hebrew culture was God depicted in this way. He was unknowable, unfathomable. Only the anointed High Priest was able to survive in the presence of the Almighty, according to Hebrew scripture. He was unapproachable. That is, until this hippie rabbi comes along telling a completely different story. So which is it?

Is the God of the Bible a bloodthirsty warrior God of ancient tribal people housed in a tent? Or is he the cuddly daddy God of Jesus, who is totally approachable, kind and compassionate, housed in Heavenly Glory?

You can’t read the Bible cover to cover and say there are no inconsistencies! Just like his two vastly different covenants, God himself seems to transform right before our eyes (somewhere between Malachi and Matthew). How is one to make logical sense of this? And these are just two overarching themes! When you dig down to verse level, there are TONS of incongruencies. It cannot be read literally or you’ll go mad making sense of it. Prove me wrong.

Was Judaism Henotheistic Prior to Babylonian Captivity?

I am quite fascinated by the scholarly study of theology and religion, namely as it pertains to the roots of Christianity and Judaism. During the deconstruction of my faith in the mid 2000s, I still took for granted that the stories in the Bible were based in some historical fact. I believed that stories like Moses and the Exodus and King David’s reign and the great empire of King Solomon were somewhere rooted in truth and historical fact and that there was evidence to back it up.

But very recently as I’ve started to deconstruct the myths about Jesus and Christianity, and even the Old Testament patriarchs, and even God himself, I am beginning to question everything that I was ever taught about our religion.

As I discuss in the video, above, the very origin of the God Yahweh in the Old Testament came from the ancient Canaanite myths about God. Just like the pantheon of gods that existed in the mythology of the Roman and Greek people, or the Egyptians, or other Mesopotamians, The God El in Canaan was considered the high God among many. In fact, his name translates as the eternal. Isn’t it interesting that Yahweh identified himself as the Eternal One, the I Am? 

This Henotheism, present in Canaan when Moses and his nomads arrived, is also evident throughout the Hebrew scriptures. Take the First Commandment from Exodus 20, “You shall have no other gods…“ That very statement denotes the existence of other gods. But Yahweh was instructing his people to worship him as the most high of all the other gods. That, by definition, is Henotheism.

And look what happens 12 chapters later, Moses descends the mountain only to find Aaron and the priests have erected a golden calf. And what the scripture doesn’t tell you is that the bull, which more than likely it was, is the symbol of El the Canaanite god. Moses comes down and finds them worshiping another god, the one from which their God was fashioned.

This theme rules the Old Testament in story after story of the Israelite people worshiping “false gods.” Gods like Ba’al, the son of El, and his consort Asherah. It’s why the prophets are always railing against the people of Israel. And the archaeological record bears this out. In the northern kingdom of Israel there were temples to these other gods at the time when the Bible CLAIMS they were strictly monotheistic, only worshipping one God, Yahweh. History indeed bears out that this isn’t true. The earliest Old Testament scriptures bear out that this isn’t true. If they were not polytheistic, which most scholars agree that they were until the Babylonian captivity, they were very much henotheistic. They believed Yahweh was THEIR God and the Most High of all other gods in existence at that time.

Scholars believe that the destruction of Solomon’s temple and then being driven into exile is what caused them to coalesce as a people around this monotheistic idea of Yahweh. They needed a unifying, cultural and religious ideal in which to rally around as a conquered nation. Think about the United States post 9/11 and how we all rallied around the patriotic ideal that no terrorist nation will attack us on our own soil and get away with it. In no other period of my lifetime have the citizens of this country united under the banner of “one nation under God.” So it was for the captive Israelites. And for that reason, scholars believe that’s when the religion turned monotheistic.

In fact, scholars also believe that that’s when the Hebrew Bible became canon. They believe that King Josiah trying to legitimize the new nation of Israel, centered in Jerusalem, began perpetuating the myth that Judaism had always been a monotheistic religion with Yahweh at the helm and that they had been brought together by King David. But we now know that none of that is probably true. Watch my video above on that and the one below on the Moses Myth.

If there’s no archaeological record, and the texts as we have them now point to Henotheism, at least, then how do we know any of the myths are true? Was monotheism rooted in the desire for a national identity as the chosen of God?

Something v. Nothing

Why are we here?

Why does anything exist?

How did matter win the war with antimatter?

The Qualitative Research Group at Northwestern University concludes, “the energy we encounter and use everyday has always been with us since the beginning of the universe and always will be with us. It just changes form all around us. That is called the law of conservation of energy.” The Big Bang Theory suggests that this energy began almost 14 billion years ago, so it had a beginning, we think, so why no ending? Why can’t energy fade and die out?

The US Energy Information Administration claims that “energy is neither created nor destroyed.” Then where did it ultimately come from? It exploded out of nothingness at the singularity we call The Big Bang? From what I can tell, quantum mechanics offers no better explanation. Looking at the subatomic scale we still see particles reacting to energy fields that seem a universal constant. 

I’ve followed Dr. Roger Penrose for years and I believe where he ends up is with infinite “big bangs,” claiming that the last one 13.8 billion years ago was the last in a series. Others conclude that we are merely one universe within a countless multiverse. Still, some philosophers assert that we are merely a dream of Universal Consciousness, questioning our physical existence at all. Is our physical reality even real? 

Where I see physics, math and science fall short is in the realm of the paranormal/supernatural/metaphysical/spiritual. Academia has yet failed to quantify anything beyond the boundaries of the physical realm. In other words, they have quantified through mathematics the so-called laws of nature, things that are measurable even subatomic particles. But, there again, all of these concepts, including astrophysics, are human constructs. Quantum mechanics is just a concept to help humankind explain what we can observe and measure at the subatomic level. But, there again, things beyond this physical realm seem to exist all around us, concepts like the fifth or sixth dimensions, consciousness or spirituality, that our science, our logic and reason fail to explain or even to prove. 

Does spirituality exist at all? What are souls? Where does consciousness reside? Science cannot tell us. Not yet, anyway. We live in a very exciting time with science stretching our understanding of the cosmos.

It started with with the Hubble space telescope, and what it found to be the “Hubble constant“ where the expansion of the universe appears to have happened faster near the Big Bang than we had previously thought. Currently, the James Webb space telescope has been shedding more light on the problem and has verified the Hubble constant. Scientists believe we may need to rethink physics altogether. We need to find new ways to explain what we are discovering at a very rapid rate.

That’s why I say it’s such an exciting time because of the new discoveries thanks to our technology. But we may never have the answer to the why questions that we are seeking. It could be that the answers are bigger than our intellect and ability to reason. Maybe it will take a higher evolved type of human in the distant future to gain the understanding or possibly create a new technology that explains the unexplainable. For now, humankind is left with questions that cannot be answered.

UPDATE: When I wrote this over two days, I had Euclid in my notes, but failed to mention it. This European Space Agency-led project has the audacious goal of mapping the known universe. The current mosaic of the night sky, impressive as it is, only covers a minuscule percentage of the whole, thus far. But the HD images, along with Hubble and JWST images, will help us gain new understanding of the cosmos.

Replacing God

DISCLAIMER: I have succumbed to an existential crisis in my fifties much like Leo Tolstoy, but unlike him this did NOT lead me back to god.

In the beginning, there was God. I wholeheartedly believed in him. I worshipped him and he became the center, the anchor of my universe. God became all-in-all, or at least that’s what I told myself. Then came existential crisis number one in my thirties.

I was majorly depressed and struggling mightily with feelings of abject failure. God was nowhere to be found. I decided to end my life. I wanted to replace God in the center, on the throne of my life. I pulled up anchor and set sail for the afterlife, only I didn’t succeed. The ultimate failure was my inability to die 24 years ago today.

I felt like God showed up in a big way that next year. My whole life turned around. I purchased my first home, a brand new custom-built one with four bedrooms and two full baths. I believed God arranged a miraculous adoption two months later and I became a dad. Life had done a one-eighty in a matter of eight months!

A year or so after my second adoption (another miracle), I was no longer flying high. I began deconstructing my faith and my marriage at the same time. Existential crisis number two, still in my thirties. I realized that part of my depression and feelings of failure were due to my marriage and career path, if you could even call it that.

I didn’t have grasp of the wheel of my life. I “let go and let God,” as the popular Christian slogan goes. I was not living intentionally. I had no grasp of that concept. I fully believed that whatever happened to me, good or bad, was God ordained. It was easier to blame him for my lazy complacency. I think I began to realize this in my late thirties. My religion was no longer making me happy. I began to wonder if it ever had. I soon realized, after leaving the church, that ritualistic, religious abuse was a major part of my depressive episode in 2000. It contributed to my awful self image. It always had.

My spiritual journey led me away from church and traditional Christianity. I later found replacements for God, including The Universe, Consciousness and The Higher (or Divine) Self. I turned to modern philosophers who embrace Christianity AND New Age Spirituality, like Eckhart Tolle. I embraced his “Power of Now,” present reality focus. I realize that our control is limited to our thinking, unconscious mind and our ability to control it with “presence.”

That gave me some peace, some of the time.

It hasn’t been lasting. And where I found myself meditating or praying out loud, sometimes to the cosmos, I began to wonder what was so different. Did I look or feel any less insane, whether wrestling with God verbally or shouting my displeasure to the stars??? Wasn’t I just replacing one spiritual practice for another? Replacing God?

So now that I’m facing existential crisis number three in my mid-fifties, I’m left wondering what does any of it matter? The sun rises over the good and the evil just the same. Likewise, the rain falls on both without discretion. I’m paraphrasing Christian scripture here. There is no greater purpose.

This landing squarely in nihilism makes the most sense to me. How arrogant is our species to believe that we are so much more highly evolved? How arrogant is humankind to believe that we are created beings, special and important to our creator, be that a Demiurge or the Almighty? It’s pretty damn arrogant, if you ask me. Our species just evolved on this planet like every other living organism. We aren’t special. We weren’t placed here for some divine purpose.

Life is basically meaningless. This is what Leo Tolstoy realized in his fifties. It’s what I’ve come to realize. I’m done replacing God. He is not the center of anything, not the Universe, not my life, and concepts like Source, Consciousness or Divinity are just as imaginary as “he” is. I won’t be returning, like Tolstoy, to the religion of my youth. I’ll just live out my days on this planet until I am no more.

This is the 24th anniversary of my suicidal episode. If you are struggling, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, just dial 988.

Holiday Season Changed Forever

I blogged at Thanksgiving last year about becoming an orphan in my 50’s. Nothing brings us the nostalgia of home quite like the holidays. And my entire adult life, I can’t recall one holiday season we didn’t spend at least one of them, Thanksgiving or Christmas, with my family.

My parents loved the holidays and their family. They loved having us all home for the celebration. The above photo was taken in their home in Noblesville, Indiana, circa 2014. It wasn’t the home I grew up in, but Mom had a special gift for making every one of her homes feel that way. This one was no different.

Growing up, my parents always had Christmas music spinning on the turntable in the living room console. As I write this, I’m enjoying the same classic tunes on YouTube. Sitting here by the light of the tree as Perry Como sings “There’s No Lace Like Home For the Holidays,” I really do wish I could transport back in time.

The Empty Nest Syndrome only exacerbates the feeling of loss. My daughters are grown and living their own lives two time zones away. I may not even hear from them. I cannot call my parents anymore to tell them when we’ll be there for Christmas. So, yes, the holidays have lost their luster.

Mom’s death Thanksgiving Weekend nine years ago really marred that holiday. I am glad that my daughters and I made the trip up to Indiana that year. We stayed an extra week to be with Dad and help plan the December memorial. Then, three years ago October, Dad passed right before the holiday season. More than COVID-induced pneumonia, he died of a broken heart, not willing to suffer another holiday season without her.

This orphan will suffer another season without them, the people who gave the holidays their special meaning. I won’t have my girls with me, either. I fully expect seasonal depression to set in like it did last year. The holiday season is, in deed, changed forever.