Being a daddy to two beautiful girls is one of the highest
honors in the world. I feel blessed to have two daddy’s girls in my life. It
hasn’t always been easy being a dad, but it has definitely been one of the most
rewarding challenges I have faced.
I’m the kind of daddy who takes time to sit and listen, to
snuggle on the couch or in the bed, who notices when a favorite stuffed animal
might be on the brink and searches the Internet to find a suitable likeness to
replace it.
I was one of very few dads in Fishers (IN) who regularly
walked his girls to elementary school or saw them to the bus on days when we
couldn’t walk. I was the bus stop dad, standing on Estero Blvd every morning on
Fort Myers Beach.
I always found time to invest in my daughters. And even when
I wasn’t with them, I was always thinking about them—at work, at the grocery
store or ballgame. Even now, when I’m setting up to play another gig on the
beach, I’m wondering what they are doing so many miles away. I never went to
the grocery store without picking up special items just for them.
I was their personal chef, their Xbox teammate, and their
biggest fan. Well, I’m still their biggest fan because I think they are the
most precious people on this planet. When I became unemployed, I decided to be
a stay-at-home dad for a few years. I determined that I didn’t want to miss a
single second of their young childhood. So I was the one who picked my youngest
up from pre-school and kindergarten, helped both girls with homework, played
hide-and-seek with them inside the house on inclement weather days and
genuinely enjoyed spending time with them.
We have a special bond that can never be broken. But the
physical distance between us is nearly unbearable. And while the Florida courts
are supposed to give both parents equal footing, I’ve been awarded a paltry 54
nights a year with my daughters. Don’t get me wrong. I will cherish every last
minute of that time, but 54 nights out of 365?
It wasn’t my idea for my girls to live 400 miles away from
me. That decision was made for me. And the courts don’t care what sort of
father I was/am to those girls, they only care about financial statements and
unfounded characterizations. The best interest of the children wasn’t even a
deciding factor, unless you believe like the courts (and most of society) that
mothers know best.
This isn’t a knock on my ex-wife or even on the judge who
presided over my divorce. It is an indictment of a system that fails great
fathers every day. It calls into question state laws that presume to bring
equal justice into our courts, but fails miserably all the time.
I don’t mean to sound bitter. I just needed to get this
stuff off my chest.
I know or have read about plenty of no-good, deadbeat dads
who don’t even deserve the title. I know many more, who like me have gone the
extra mile to be an excellent caregiver even when they weren’t the primary
breadwinner of their home. But what is more important? The cash I can bring
home to my kids or the love, care and investment of time?
I’ve never been deficient in the latter, so why is it I get
so little time with them now?